Timing is Everything

Recently I found out that he loves me instead of just likes me a lot. I was surprised and happy, but extremely sad at the same time. Why? Because we couldn't be together anymore. Our timing suck. We have fate on our side, but we didn't have timing on our side. He told me that he wished we had met earlier. Anyway, life is always full of bad timing, missed opportunities and etc.

Well I accepted the fact that we had to end it, but I couldn't help wishing that we could be together longer, especially when we had so much laughter when we were together in HK. There were so many 1st time for him as well as for me. We made each other laughed so much and it was all silly and childish actions we did. It took us 15 months of daily communication to build the deep connection between us and in between we went thru many roller coaster rides, but somehow we always ended up back in each other life. It wasn't just physical attraction, but also the mental and emotional connections that we share even until today. Which is really rare. We have known each other for 9 years and in between those years we lost touched, but when we got back in touch we could picked up where we left off easily without any awkwardness. He enjoys teasing me and bantering with me over silly things and we always ended up laughing until my jaw hurts.

And I do love him. I know he still loves me even though we agree not to be lover anymore, but just good friend. Honestly, I was caught off guard when he said he loves me and uttered it a few times during our conversations and messages. Knowing him so well, he didn't just said it for the sake of making me happy, but rather sharing with me his most honest feeling for me. For that, I'm grateful and happy.

He told me I will always have a  spot in his heart no matter what happened and even if we are no longer together one day. I believe him because he puts up with me quite a fair bit. Actually he tolerated me even though he complained I drove him up the walls constantly with my actions. Hahaha!1 But he always returned to be tortured by me. And same goes for me too.

Oh ya, after HK, he actually asked me if we could be lover forever while he was in Japan. I told him we couldn't because we will die. And then he replied for as long as we still like and love each other. I really wish we have better timing.

But since we couldn't, the best way for me to deal with his love for me is to go with the flow and let's fate run its own course. If we are meant to be together, we will. If not, then not. What we had and still have is unique to both of us only.

Only time will tell.........and it doesn't matter what roles he plays in my life as long as I know I always have a spot in his mind and his heart. No one or time can take that away from me. He will always be my favourite alien.

Without fate, we wouldn't had met and ended up in each other life. But with fate, timing needs to be right as well. Our timing is just so off key now to continue to be lover.

Obligated Love

The 1st time I heard the term Obligated Love it was a few months back. What does it means? The friend who used this term told me that it is loving a spouse out of obligation because the spouse has been with you for a long time, has kids with you or whatever the reasons. It isn't a love from the heart anymore, but a love borne out of commitment, guilt, or obligation. There isn't anymore passion left in the love, but yet you have to love that person because you feel that you OWE it to the person. When I heard that, I was surprised and stunned. Surprised because I always thought love shouldn't be an obligation. It should be straightforward and feel with passion. If it isn't such love, then why should we stay in love?? Stunned because there are people in the world who feel that they are obligated to love their spouse just because of a vow/piece of legal paper/a promise/kids/financial sharing/guilt and etc.

For me, obligated love means PITY LOVE!!! When you truly love someone, it isn't an obligation. But when a love turns into an obligation, it isn't a love anymore. It is a job/a duty to love the other person. Love isn't a job!!!! Love is a feeling that radiates warmth, happiness and given unconditionally and freely. When a love turns into obligation, it isn't given freely anymore. It doesn't radiates warmth and happiness. It isn't unconditional anymore. It is binded by a sense of duty/responsibility/commitment/promise on the part of the person having to love the other person. Such a sad love.

I wouldn't want my lover/spouse/partner to love me under obligation/promise/commitment. Likewise, I wouldn't subject my lover/spouse/partner to such type of love. If my lover can't love me unconditionally and freely, I would want to know. I deserve to know what type of love he has for me. I know love changes when we are together with the same person for a long period of time, but irregardless of how long we are with someone, the love we feel for them should still be warm and happy. If you don't feel warm and truly happy when you love a person, then you should seriously examine your love for that person.

As a woman, it is imperative for me to know what type of love my lover has for me. I will never accept obligated love because it is pity love. I would let him go if I know his love for me is no longer unconditional, warm and happy. Likewise, I will be brutally honest with my lover if my love for him becomes obligated love.

You can be with your lover/spouse/partner for a decade, sleeping next to you every night, but yet you will never know what he/she is thinking. He/she could still tells you that they love you, but is she/him loving you from the heart or from the mind? Obligated love is also a love from the mind because you are consciously loving a person. Love is a feeling. It can't be measured. It can't be termed into obligation/promise/commitment.

If you can term your love for your lover/spouse/partner, then it isn't love in the truest form. If I can't experience love in its truest form, I don't want it. I want to wake up every morning and see the smile on my lover face when he opens his eyes and look across to me. I want him to kiss me lovingly and longingly before we go to sleep. I want his love for me to grow each day and not diminish irregardless how long we have been together.

Love is never an obligation. Don't love someone because of a promise you made to her/him. Don't love because you don't want to be a bad guy/gal in breaking off with him/her. Don't love because you think it is better to have obligated love than nothing at all.

Set the person free to find his/her true love again. Everyone deserves to experience unconditional, happy and warm love irregardless of his/her age, single/attached/married/divorced/separated/widowed.

Always remember, your partner deserves to know what type of love you have for her/him. Although the truth will cause him/her immeasurable pain, but it will set both of you free and conscious to choose to stay with each other or to move on. I know it is easier to say than done. But everyone of us deserve to experience love to its truest form.

I wish all my readers best of luck in love :-)