Monday, August 28, 2017
Sunday, August 27, 2017
I forgave myself
Finally I was able to forgive myself during my stayed in Rhodes. I forgave myself for my foolishness, stubbornness and blindness for trusting and falling in love with him. I forgave myself for believing and thinking he truly loved me and wouldn't hurt me intentionally. I forgave myself for wanting him to be in my life for as long as I'm alive. Most important of all, I forgave myself for being a fool!
It took me 1.5 years to forgive myself, but I did it. The 1st time I admitted and said it out loud I forgave myself was during my chat with Angela. We were talking about life and I told her that this year birthday was a good birthday even though I dined alone, but I didn't feel lonely or alone. I felt peaceful, happy and contented. I actually enjoyed my own company very much and I didn't feel the need to be surrounded by people. For the 1st time I truly understand how I felt celebrating alone. I didn't care if people think I was pitiful or whatever because what they think was irrelevant to me. I also shared with her that my trip to Rhodes was a trip to recharge and heal myself.
When Angela heard that I took 1.5 years to forgive myself for my foolishness, she commented that was long. She further said that all of us made mistakes and we shouldn't beat ourselves up for our past mistakes. She said it was good that I managed to forgive myself. And I couldn't agree more with her. Aside from Angela, I also admitted to another couple (Ian & Michelle) who stayed at the hotel at the same time as me when we were talking about life and experienced on the day I was to leave Rhodes. It felt really good to be able to admit and say it out loud that I forgave myself for all the mistakes I had made in the past. I knew at that moment I had finally stop beating myself up and stop searching for answers as to why he did what he did to me and treated me so badly. The need to search for answers and the truth weren't important anymore. I was finally able to let go! I felt light once again.
So far I admitted to 3 people that I took 1.5 years to forgive myself and their reaction was the same - that I took very long time to forgive myself and I didn't need to forgive myself. I told them I needed to because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to stop looking for answers as to why he treated me so badly, why he had to play with my heart and feelings. Forgiving myself is the final stage in healing my broken heart by accepting and admitting my mistakes openly and being ok with the mistake I had made in the past. Is kinda making peace with my own heart and mind 😊.
It was a long road to heal my heart, but I did it. And this time is for real. In the past, I always thought I had healed and moved on, but in actual fact I was forcing myself to heal and hence I didn't manage to heal properly. I finally understand the difference between a natural vs a force healing. I'm not sure if I will ever forget him, but I'm sure that thinking of him doesn't makes me angry anymore. He was a part of my life that I will never be able to erase because the experienced he gave me had contributed to the changes in me. So the best is just let it be.
Anyway, forgiving myself is the best gift I can give myself. It was really a long road for me, but it was necessary. Learn to forgive yourself for all the mistakes you have made and life will gets better.
Happy Sunday 😀
I AM SORRY!
It took me 1.5 years to forgive myself, but I did it. The 1st time I admitted and said it out loud I forgave myself was during my chat with Angela. We were talking about life and I told her that this year birthday was a good birthday even though I dined alone, but I didn't feel lonely or alone. I felt peaceful, happy and contented. I actually enjoyed my own company very much and I didn't feel the need to be surrounded by people. For the 1st time I truly understand how I felt celebrating alone. I didn't care if people think I was pitiful or whatever because what they think was irrelevant to me. I also shared with her that my trip to Rhodes was a trip to recharge and heal myself.
When Angela heard that I took 1.5 years to forgive myself for my foolishness, she commented that was long. She further said that all of us made mistakes and we shouldn't beat ourselves up for our past mistakes. She said it was good that I managed to forgive myself. And I couldn't agree more with her. Aside from Angela, I also admitted to another couple (Ian & Michelle) who stayed at the hotel at the same time as me when we were talking about life and experienced on the day I was to leave Rhodes. It felt really good to be able to admit and say it out loud that I forgave myself for all the mistakes I had made in the past. I knew at that moment I had finally stop beating myself up and stop searching for answers as to why he did what he did to me and treated me so badly. The need to search for answers and the truth weren't important anymore. I was finally able to let go! I felt light once again.
So far I admitted to 3 people that I took 1.5 years to forgive myself and their reaction was the same - that I took very long time to forgive myself and I didn't need to forgive myself. I told them I needed to because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to stop looking for answers as to why he treated me so badly, why he had to play with my heart and feelings. Forgiving myself is the final stage in healing my broken heart by accepting and admitting my mistakes openly and being ok with the mistake I had made in the past. Is kinda making peace with my own heart and mind 😊.
It was a long road to heal my heart, but I did it. And this time is for real. In the past, I always thought I had healed and moved on, but in actual fact I was forcing myself to heal and hence I didn't manage to heal properly. I finally understand the difference between a natural vs a force healing. I'm not sure if I will ever forget him, but I'm sure that thinking of him doesn't makes me angry anymore. He was a part of my life that I will never be able to erase because the experienced he gave me had contributed to the changes in me. So the best is just let it be.
Anyway, forgiving myself is the best gift I can give myself. It was really a long road for me, but it was necessary. Learn to forgive yourself for all the mistakes you have made and life will gets better.
Happy Sunday 😀
I AM SORRY!
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