Photo of Grandma

This is the only photo I have with my grandma. I'm surprised that I didn't have more photos with her as I grew up under her care and love. I thought I had taken more photos with her, but apparently this is the only 1 I have with me. I asked my aunty to check if she might has some of my photos with grandma. I wished I had taken more with her when she was still around.

My grandma actually went to stay in Hawaii with me for over a month or more when I was studying there. I showed her around Hawaii a bit, but most of the time she stayed at home as I went to attend classes. I didn't bring her out a lot as she had weak legs. I wished I had the chance to spend more time with her now.

I should had been nice to my grandma. She was the one person in the world who had loved me unconditionally no matter what I did wronged. She always sided me. Haha. Everyone in the family said I was spoiled because of her. Which was true.

No one was able to bully me with my grandma around. Without her unconditional loved, cared and support I wouldn't be who I'm today. But yet I didn't know how to appreciate her when I was younger. If I have any regret, it would be not knowing how to appreciate my grandma when she was around.
I always feel emotional when I have to write about my grandma. She was always there for me through thick and thin. When my dad was too poor to take care of me financially, it was my grandma who supported me with her own money. She would cooked my favourite dishes for me to eat after school. And yet, I wasn't being a good granddaughter to her as I didn't treat her nicely when she was around. I had a very bad temper when I was young and I would scold everyone who pissed me off including all my elders and got away with it. My grandma put up with me the most and thinking back now I felt bad for my actions. I was childish, ill tempered and disrespectful. I can't turn back the clock and I can't treat my grandma nicer now as she is no longer in my life.

Well, looking on the positive side at least I still have a picture with my grandma. I wish I have more, but it is pointless to cry over spilled milk now. Is too late to do anything. I can only hope that my aunt has more pictures of grandma and I, even if it is a group family photo.

It was tough to grow up in a broken family with a psychotic mum, but my grandma made it bearable or else I might had turned into a bad apple and not be who I'm today and reap the success I'm enjoying now. I'm lucky to have my grandma in my life for 20+ years. I wish it was longer, but it wasn't up to me to decide.

No one truly knows me or my story except for a handful. Even then, they didn't know the depth of my feelings and thoughts, my struggles when I was growing up, the disappointment and etc. Only the thought of my grandma is still able to make me cry as I love her a lot. I didn't know when I was younger, but I know for sure now I love her a lot. She is my rock, my anchor. And I miss her now 😢😢😢😢.

She always had my back and made sure I weren't bully by anyone. It was never easy growing up as I needed to learn to fend for myself since I was just a few years old. So don't anyone dare to pass judgment on my life, the decisions and choices I made unless you have walked in my shoes and experienced the same as me. If not, then I appreciate if you keep your thoughts and views to yourself. All I want is not to be bully, but yet I was bully by the man I loved the most. Anyway, this post isn't about him. Is about my grandma.

I feel calmer now and has stopped crying. Haha. Big cry baby.

Ma ma, I miss you.......