I finally figured out why it took me so long to forgive myself and got over him (Peter Wittendorp). It was because I was clinging on a minuscule hope that one day we will have a chance to sit down and talk openly what had happened between us. I was too stubborn to let go because I wasn't ready to let go. I was hoping for something that will never happen, but I didn't want to accept the fact even though deep down in my heart I knew I was hoping for the impossible 😉. I was just plained stubborn period. Haha.
And the moment I decided not to pursue the truth of why he lied to me, I also learned to forgive myself for believing in him beyond a reasonable doubt. The moment I stopped feeling stupid about my blind trust in him, I accepted the fact that we will never cross path again!
I didn't want to forget him, but at the same time I wasn't able to forgive him for what he did to me and how he treated me hence it caused a lot of internal frictions for myself. I only managed to clear my head when I was in Rhodes. I accepted the fact that he will never think of me anymore and he will never be in my life again. Yes even after how he treated me and did to me, I was still hoping (minuscule) that he was still in my life. I know, I know.....I shouldn't had such hope, but I did. But not anymore for 1 month. So is a good sign.
I was also in conflict earlier because I felt there was a need to make him believe that I'm innocent. In fact, I wanted desperately to convince him I'm innocent. But now I realised that it is pointless to do so because what he thinks/believes is irrelevant to me. What is important is I know I'm innocent. Trying to convince someone who is adamant that I'm the culprit is actually a waste of time. I rather spend my time and energy on something else that can enrich my life and enhance my experience.
Anyway, bottomline is I'm in a good place now. Occasionally his name stills popped into my mind and I'll also wonder about him, but it passed by quickly. So everything is good. Life is not as great as I want it to be as I have a lot of financial burden, but I will make it better soon. I just need to work hard and never give up 😀!
Happy Weekend!
And the moment I decided not to pursue the truth of why he lied to me, I also learned to forgive myself for believing in him beyond a reasonable doubt. The moment I stopped feeling stupid about my blind trust in him, I accepted the fact that we will never cross path again!
I didn't want to forget him, but at the same time I wasn't able to forgive him for what he did to me and how he treated me hence it caused a lot of internal frictions for myself. I only managed to clear my head when I was in Rhodes. I accepted the fact that he will never think of me anymore and he will never be in my life again. Yes even after how he treated me and did to me, I was still hoping (minuscule) that he was still in my life. I know, I know.....I shouldn't had such hope, but I did. But not anymore for 1 month. So is a good sign.
I was also in conflict earlier because I felt there was a need to make him believe that I'm innocent. In fact, I wanted desperately to convince him I'm innocent. But now I realised that it is pointless to do so because what he thinks/believes is irrelevant to me. What is important is I know I'm innocent. Trying to convince someone who is adamant that I'm the culprit is actually a waste of time. I rather spend my time and energy on something else that can enrich my life and enhance my experience.
Anyway, bottomline is I'm in a good place now. Occasionally his name stills popped into my mind and I'll also wonder about him, but it passed by quickly. So everything is good. Life is not as great as I want it to be as I have a lot of financial burden, but I will make it better soon. I just need to work hard and never give up 😀!
Happy Weekend!
No comments:
Post a Comment