What if Peter Wittendorp reaches out?

A good friend of mine asked me during our lunch on Thursday what if Peter reaches out to me again in the future? Will I respond to him?

I answered my friend that his hypothetical question of what if will never ever happen again during this lifetime! He asked me why am I so sure? I told him that is because I'm doing everything to makes Peter hates me to his core so that he won't want to reach out to me again. I know that if he does reach out sometime in the future, I will respond to him as normal because I'm a foolish woman who still has a soft spot for him after what he did and said to me. I know I'm silly, foolish and crazy. So to protect myself and my heart, I took the route of no return......which is by disclosing his identity in my posts. The most stupidest and unbelievable move on my part, but I don't have other choice.

I tried to hate him and I failed. Although I cursed at him and even swore in my previous posts that I was glad he wasn't in my life anymore, but in reality is that if 1 day he reaches out again there is a good chance I will respond. I'm also worry that instead of him reaching out I'm the one to reach out and he responds back too. I do not want history to repeat itself again even though the chance of it happening is remote, I need to nip it at the bud.

I don't want to be friends with a married ex-lover if he is not single. If it was just physical, then the friendship wouldn't ended so badly. We were connected mentally, emotionally and physically too. That were why it was so hard for me to accept the fact that he could hurt me so badly. Anyway, the past is the past. And to protect myself from him, I choose to do the 1 thing he hates the most - full disclosure of his identity. It hurts me to hurt him, but I don't see another option.

Beside, whether I do it or not, he will continue to accuse me of being a bad person who commits devious act, I might as well make his accusation comes true for him so that he doesn't feels guilty and bad for mistreating me and being a class A jerk towards me. I told him from the moment this internet harassment started that I wanted to write about us personally, but he stopped me. He said he would take care of things and it would never affect our friendship and we would get thru this nightmare together. But in the end, not only he left me out in the cold he also threw me under the bus and ran me over repetitively. Plus stabbing me in the heart until I almost lost my core self with the pain he so cold heartedly inflicted on me. So why do I still have a soft spot for him? I don't know......I really don't know. And I don't want to find the answer because I'm scare of the answer.

I'm keeping my calm and control when I know in my mind he hates me to his core. It stops me from reaching out to him especially now when I'm almost back to my old happy go lucky and don't hold grudges self.

So my good friend question of what if will never happen! I'm dead sure I will not hear from him anymore as long as I'm alive. I believe I have succeeded in making him forget me, our past and memories. All I can say is I'm a foolish woman when it comes to him. Peter is my archilles heels and I still don't know how to overcome this weakness.

Anyway, not going to waste time thinking about it. Let it be!

p.s. Maybe pouring and disclosing full details are the only way for me to get rid of this archilles heels.

Is the market bad for investment in KL?

On Friday night, I was asked the above question by a client. A common question that we hear regularly in the past 2-3 years so I wasn't surprise by it anymore. My answer to this client was simple... "Yes, currently the market sentiment is not as optimistic as 4-5 years back, but that doesn't means it is a bad market to invest". Investment is personal. It depends on each person risk appetite, readiness and financial stability at the time the person decides to purchase a property for investment. If the person is not ready, then the person will never think the market is good for investment irregardless whether we are in a bad or good market. Readiness in all aspects - financially, emotionally and mentally are the keys to investing successfully. 

When a person is not ready, even in a good market where the economy is robust and growing, properties prices are on an upward trend and bank loans are easier to obtain, there will still be clients who think the market is bad for investment. Why? Because they will say the prices are too high and unhealthy, hence not the right timing to invest. And they will say, "let's wait until the properties price to drop and correct because now it is too costly to invest". 

If a person is ready to invest, the person will see the bad market as a good opportunity to grab some good properties for mid to long term investment. We can never time the market as to when we should buy and sell. We can only invest base on our own risk appetite. 

As a professional consultant, I will not persuade my clients to buy if my clients are not ready. I will provide all the data (pros and cons) about the current market and the properties/projects my clients are interested to invest in so that my clients are able to make an informed decision. 

Always remember, a good or bad market to invest is not determined by the economy, but by yourself. Your own risk appetite play the major role in your investment decision. Do your homework and if you do find a good property to invest and you are ready, don't hesitate because a slow market doesn't means that particular property or project will not sell like hot cake :-)! 

Happy hunting and investing!

Open Letter to Peter Wittendorp

There were times I wanted to reconnect with you to find out how are you getting on and wonder if I have crossed your mind in the past 2 months. I wanted to ask you if you hate me for what I wrote about you and us? I wanted to ask you do you feel regret for what you did and said to me in the past? I wanted to know why you walked back into my life repetitively and promised to be a good friend only to leave again and again. This time was the worst and you hurt me to the max. Although I have healed and not angry with you anymore, but I couldn't forget. I wanted to erase you from my mind, but it keeps lingering around. I could remember most of the things you told me, the good, the bad and the ugly, but it didn't make me hates you. I don't hate you and I don't think I will ever hate you. I'm happy to know that you didn't manage to change the core me. It might be dimmed for a short period, but it is always inside me. And I got it back now.

You mentioned that you might not know who I'm anymore. Well, it is because you choose not to see and accept me for me. I had told you countless times that I write and blog about anything and everything I fancy, but you always told me not to do so. You said our memories should be just for ourselves. When I told you I forgot some of the things I wanted to tell and share with you, you told me to write it down. And I did. I wrote it down and emailed it to you as you suggested, but then you changed your mind and told me to stop. You told me I made you felt obligated to read. You never wanted to understand me. You never gave yourself a chance to listen to me without passing judgment. All you ever wanted was for me to follow your ways and changed me.

I told you again and again and again I would rather lose you and your friendship then to lose my own voice and identity. I didn't change. Is just that you choose not to accept the fact that I can never be silent and I decided not to compromise anymore. I decided I don't want to do what you wanted me to do. I decided I had enough of compromising and giving unconditionally to you and our friendship. Yes, you are my biggest weakness to date. Yes, I admit I still have a soft spot for you even until today, even after all the ugliness and accusation you cold heartedly threw at me. But having a soft spot for you doesn't mean I don't have a voice. Doesn't mean I will stop writing about posts related to you. It just means I stop listening to your bullshit and do what you said. It means I will continue to be myself and live my life as openly as possible.

Remember what I told you......I will never ever lie to myself and no one, not you, not anyone will be able to tame and control me. I didn't change. You just never gave yourself a chance to truly understand me. I'm not a fakey and I will never be one. I will not write something happy and nice when I'm feeling shitty and upset. I will never be someone I'm not. I'm not afraid to be judged because I know who I'm. I'm not afraid of anything. I don't live my life in secrecy. I told you my life is an open book and I tend to keep it that way. It means I will write anything and everything about my life as long as it is the truth or a fact. You were a chapter in my life journey, hence you will be featured. If you don't like it, too bad.

I will not omit your chapter in my book just because you aren't happy and excited to be featured :-)! Am I'm crazy? Oh hell ya I'm. I will never deny that fact. I told you many times and you agreed as well. Anyway, I never expect you to not hate me because you are not a big hearted man. In your mind, I did you wronged when I openly wrote about what you did and said to me. You always want to be the good guy. I portrayed you as a bad and ugly person. Therefore, you will hate me and tell yourself I'm a crazy and bad person. Is ok.....it is really ok. You are entitled to your thinking and I won't convince you otherwise. I don't need to defend who I'm to someone like you who is committed to think badly of me so that you won't feel guilty for what you did and said to me. You will never have the guts to choose to look at things from my perspectives because only your perspectives matter. Other people perspectives are irrelevant and to be twisted to suit you. You have a need to be right all the time. Even if you are wrong, you will never apologise and admit it.

You are judgmental and biased. You are selfish and scheming. You said you hate people who scheme, but yet you did that to me. You knew very well that I had your best interests when I asked you to come cleaned with her so that you could look at yourself in the mirror everyday without feeling ashamed. You knew that I wanted you to have your core self back and you thanked me for reminding you that. I thought I knew who you were until you pushed me under the bus and hurled baseless accusation at me when the shit hit the fan and she read the stolen emails and whatsapp messages. You promised you wouldn't gave up our friendship no matter what, but when all hell broke loose, you turned around and shot me in the heart coldly and meanly. You stabbed and stabbed at my heart until I almost lost my core self.

Even until the last minute, you still wanted to use me when you had decided to end the friendship. You were cold and calculative till the end. As a businessman, you are smart and successful. But as a friend and a person, you suck! Maybe I was easier for you to take advantage of and bully because I have a soft spot for you. You screwed up and no matter what you tell yourself about me or the ugly picture you painted for your mind to believe, deep down you knew you treated me badly. I'm not you. I don't know how to act convincingly like how you did it to me.

Last but not least, a threat from me will be something like this, "if you don't take back your accusation I will post all the SMSes exchanged between us". It wouldn't be, "take back your accusation and we will talk". If I wanted to put us in the limelight, I would have done it with proofs that you will never be able to refute at all. If I wanted to destroy your reputation or split up your marriage, I didn't have to wait until this year. I could have done it when you were still in loved and cared for me. Beside, I had walked out from your life since last November. I cut off contact with you. It was you who chose to reconnect again in January and brought all your drama into my life without warning me about it. You were selfish and you never hesitated to push me under the bus and ran over me yourself. All you care was protecting you own ass.

I should hate you, but I couldn't. I know I sounded like I do, but I don't. I'm not even sad anymore thinking about what you did and said to me. Although it is hard for me to stand in your shoes and see it from your perspectives, I'm trying and that's why I choose to forgive you. I choose to see the goodness in you. Not easy, but is getting better and better each day. You will never be able to understand what I'm thinking because you never fully understand the core me and my views on life. You listened, you remember, but you never take time to deeply understand who I'm and what shaped me into who I'm today. I'm evolving everyday, unlike you. You are too set and stubborn in your way of life and thinking. I don't. I'm flexible and adapting. You aren't a rotten apple. You just blundered badly in the way you handled our friendship/lovership and me. And you are very unforgiving.

Anyway, occasionally I did miss the fun, joking and crazy you. We had great chemistry even just as friends. Even though you are no longer a part of my life journey, I still want to wish you all the success in your business and your life. No hard feelings on my end. And I'm going to choose to see the goodness in you even though it won't be easy for me to do so.

Life is too unpredictable and short to choose to live a life fill with hate and grudges :-)! I meant what I said and said what I meant! Too bad you never appreciate me for being me (especially my bluntness and brutal honesty) and fully understand me, how I think and view life. If you had, we might still be good friends today. Anyway, there is always an ending to a story. I guess ours just ended uglily and badly. No regrets!

Blogging is Not Easy

There are many things I want to blog about, but I don't know where to start. Some I managed to start, but couldn't finish because my mind was stuck even though many thoughts crossed my mind. Sometimes I'm frustrated because I couldn't write my thoughts and feelings flowingly. I have to admit I'm not a good writer. Haha. I wrote best when my feelings and emotions are stirred and raw. Now that I'm calm, cool and back to my normal usual self, writing actually takes effort. Harder but not impossible. I read that writing is good for the soul and healing. I enjoy writing purely because I have short term memory. I don't remember what I had said to someone or how I felt at that time when I said it. I do remember some of the things people said or told me, but not in great details. Hence if it was something important or relevant, I would write it down so that I can read it back and remind myself of a specific chapter, feeling, conversation and other aspects of my life. Some were pleasant memories, some were not.

When I first started blogging 7-8 years ago, I wanted to do a daily journal of my life. But it didn't pan out as it is very tedious to write daily. Beside I'm a lazy bum so I gave up writing daily. Haha. Hence writing an blogging is a hobby now. A place for me to escape when I want to spill out my feelings, emotions and thoughts. When I don't want to bug my friends with my problems, I blog. Blogging allows people the choice to read my posts or not. I want to be able to give people the choice to choose.

And when I blog I will write about topics that are personal and related to me. Is hard to be honest and open because there will always be critics. And there are topics that will be taboo or piss people off unintentionally. Anyway, I still choose to write and blog because this is what I want to do. I'm not blogging to please or hurt anyone. I'm not blogging to seek attention because my posts are not interesting at all. I don't get high readership or repost. I'm blogging because I want to write. As simple as that. I just want to do what I want to do.

I will try to write more interesting topics and post it on my blog. In the meantime, please bear with me on the boring stuffs. Haha!

Coughing

I have been coughing for more than 2 weeks now and it will takes me at least a few more weeks before I recover. And it doesn't helps that I had been drinking wine and liquor for 4 days since last Friday. Plus I also didn't go to see Doctor or take any meds. I want my body immune system to fight itself. At least this time my cough isn't as terrible as last year. I only cough in the daytime hence I can sleep well at night.

When I was 5 or 6 years old, I almost got TB. It was one of the painful episode of my life journey. At night I would coughed until I was or of breath. And I was kept awake because of the constant coughing. My dad spent a lot of money on doctors and meds. We went as far as Singapore to see the doctors. I couldn't remember exactly how I was cured, but thank god I was and I escaped developing TB.

And as an adult, coughing is a yearly health issue for me. It normally lasted 2-3 months before I fully recovered from it. Majority of the time it was vicious. But this time it is normal and bearable. I did told Peter about my childhood and the TB part. Anyway.....hope I will get well soon.

Updated on 28.6.16


Still coughing. Not getting better. A bit worst but still ok. Hope will get well soon.

Updated on 5.7.16

After all the drinking in HK, my cough is cured. Haha. No doctor or medicine required. Just drank a lot of red wine. Crazy remedy I know. But it works :-)!

Updated on 4.8.16

Yay, finally my cough is gone!! And the best part is I didn't even see doctor or take cough medicine. Hahaha!

Why do I apologised?

I apologised for calling him a prick and saying that he is a terrible man because I feel bad for being so harsh and mean. I'm not a mean person and after I had calmed down I felt bad hence I apologised. That's my biggest weakness. When I forgive someone, I let go. And when I let go it means I don't hold grudges anymore. So no more grudges = feeling bad for my meanness and harshness because the core me are an easy going and very forgiving in nature. I allowed my emotions to control my behaviours and actions when I'm hurt and mad. Not proud of it and not regretting what I had said to him directly and indirectly because that were what I felt and wanted to do at that time. I needed to write about my feelings, my experienced and history with him to maintain my own sanity. The past is the past so I'm not going to revisit it again.

I'm feeling differently now as I slowly regaining back my core self and moving on after all the dramas he brought to my life. There are still some residues left, but I know I'm recovering because if not I wouldn't felt bad for calling him a prick and a terrible man! I would have felt that I'm entitled to call him anything I want and continue to be a bitch. But I can't because I just don't have it in me to be a permanent and full time bitch!! Sometimes I wish I'm, but I'm not no matter how hard I try. I don't last long being a bitch. Haha. Definitely my old happy go lucky and free spirited self are back!

Anyway, I apologised because I felt that was the right thing to do if I want to realign and regain my core self. I did it for my own well being and not for him! All my good friends told me that I'm crazy to apologise when he should be the one to apologise to me.....my answer to them was, "is ok". If I chose to forgive him, then I should also let go of grudges and admit my harshness and meanness. Life is too unpredictable to continue to be mean and harsh to another human being. I just couldn't do it. I just don't have it in me except when I'm being wounded, super mad, hurt and pissed off. Once the storm has passed, I will revert back to my big hearted and forgiving self. To most people it is my biggest weakness and in fact even lack of self respect. But to me, it is my strength and my self respect  isn't lacking just because I apologised. I always take responsibility for everything I do. If I feel that I did or said something wrong and it is against the core me, I will apologise irregardless because this is how I operate as ME. I'm proud of who I'm. Can't help me being me! haha

Oh well, I was mean and harsh with my words and name callings. I won't take back what I had said and wrote because I was telling and writing the truth and facts. But I could had done it without calling him a prick, a terrible man or a class A jerk or douchebag. Hence I apologised.

Corporate Life

300% confirmed I'm not cut out for corporate life. I feel so constraint and confine working in a corporate structure. I dislike SOP and I hate having to play secretary on some corporate deals. My time is valuable and to spend it on paperwork is just not the most efficient use of my talent and time. I enjoy the freedom to do things my way and still achieving the most optimum results for all parties involve. I thought I could challenge myself and try to fit into the corporate culture mould, I just couldn't. Correction, I don't mind working in a dynamic corporate culture, but not stuffy, rigid and protocol corporate culture!

It annoys me when I have to go back and forth, back and forth on a topic and still unable to reach a decision. I wish I can just deal with it directly, but I can't because of company procedures and protocols that is preventing me to deal with the issue my way and directly.

As I get older, I don't like structures. I don't like to play by the book. I like flexibility and creativity. I hate when people become so petty about the unimportant details......just to make them look important and perfect! I can see the answers and solutions in front of my eyes, but yet I can't take charge to execute it.

At my stage, I'm working for pleasure and enjoyment. Financial reward is important, but not my main goal. As long as my handwork is fairly and reasonably compensated, I'm happy. I will fight for what I want. And I can't be pressured to deliver results. I only perform well when I'm being left alone. Hahaha.

Oh oh, another reason I'm not cut out for corporate life is the inflexible working hours. At least in my current job. I'm a night owl so I think better at night than in the daytime. I'm like a vampire. Daylight, I want to sleep. Hahahaha! So in the daytime, especially if I don't get enough sleep my brain can't function and I can't think clearly. And I get irritated and grouchy easily. I prefer flexible working hours as long as I get my work done and I'm delivering results.

Anyway, I will stick it out for awhile until I really can't take it anymore......

Newsflash (17.6.16):

I don't think I will last very long in my job as I'm really suffocating. I'm doing the same shit all over again for lesser amount of reward. I thought by joining a new organisation I would get to learn new things and etc, but in reality I'm just doing the very thing that made me took a 2 years break previously. If I have to do the same shit and take craps from clients, the reward better be great because if not it isn't worth it at all!!! Anyway, I already know what I want to do for the next 2 years. And working within the corporate structure is definitely not in my agenda at all!!

Restaurant buyer

The sale of my restaurant has taken longer than I expected and it is stressing me out. I just want to conclude it asap so that I can get rid of the headaches. But the buyer is being unreasonable difficult and ridiculous with his requests. I made a mistake when I accepted the offer...I forgot to include a dateline to sign the SPA as I was an anxious and happy to find a genuine buyer. I thought he was a fair and reasonable person and businessman, but it turned out he is an extremely unreasonable person who likes to twist and turn our words to suit himself. He also likes to put words in our mouth and stubbornly unreasonable. Basically, it is a waste of time trying to explain things to him because he only choose to see and hear what he likes and suits him only. NIGHTMARE BUYER!!

My biz partner is the most patience person and he too gave up and passed it our lawyer to handle. And our lawyer is also vomitting blood trying to talk some sense into this buyer. The longer he drags and delays the signing, my stress level is prolong as biz is almost dead and every month we have to use our own money to pay the expenses. I'm burning money every month and I want to stop the burning asap! I really want to be rid of this headache immediately and urgently. The buyer is really fucker!! Keep coming up with excuses to delay the signing. Never ending!! We can never fulfil his requests! Arrrgggh....

I'm super duper stress! But since there is nothing much I can do, I'm going to take it 1 day at a time and pray that we can sign off by this month. Have to think positive and strongly believe that we will sign off the SPA by this month!! Really praying hard......it takes a lot of my willpower not to reply to his idiotic emails and told him off! I'm so tempted to tell him to fly kite! His delayed has caused us to incur additional RM15k-Rm20k per month which is really hurting my pocket! SIGH!! Don't understand why nowadays there are so many men who isn't honourable and doesn't keep their words!

Anyway, will pray hard. And not going to stress myself for now......will just play by ears and take it 1 step at a time! That's all I can do and have control over.


Updated 16.6.16

At last, we managed to kinda force our nightmare buyer to appoint his own lawyer to deal with our lawyer on the S&P Agreement. They asked for a 10 days extension. Will see what tricks and excuses they are going to use for these 10 days extension! I can't wait to get rid of the restaurant and get over the sale with the nightmare buyer. I will not step my legs into the restaurant no matter how good is the food!


Updated 06.07.16

On 28.6.16, the Korean buyer wrote to my partner a long email repeating and complaining about the same issue which wasn't even an issue. And towards the end of the email he said he wanted to abort the deal. After dragging us for 3 months and asked us to do countless things, he aborted the deal. Thank god we managed to find another buyer or else we would be left in a limbo. We had to sell it at a cheaper price, but at least we managed to sell. This new buyer is local and introduced by a good friend. Easier to deal with too. So in a way it was blessing in disguise that the Korean buyer aborted the deal. We instructed our lawyer to reply to him that his RM25k deposit will be forfeited since he decided not to proceed with the purchase.

Our lawyer thinks that the Korean buyer will not let us off the hook so easily and will demand that we pay him back the deposit. In his dream we will pay him back especially when he was the one who wanted to abort the deal after we had did our best to comply with all his requests. Anyway, we have yet to hear back from him as of today. Will decide the next step when we do hear back from him.

Updated 08.07.16

Finally, we have handed over the operation of Nexo to our new buyers. Although we haven't received the balance payment and the shares sale aren't completed yet, we don't mind letting them take over immediately. At least I don't have to top up my own money to keep the restaurant running from this month onwards. We only have to pay the July rental for the restaurant. The rest of the operational expenses will be borne by the new buyers. A huge rock is lifted from my shoulders. 1 burden is resolved, a few more to take care of. 1 at a time 😀!


Updated 30.7.16

Almost completing the transfer of the sale of my restaurant. Hopefully can be settled by next week. Finally, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Can't wait to tie up this loose end.

GIANT Goal

I have set a GIANT goal for myself to achieve in 2 years time. I don't know how I'm going to achieve it and if it is even possible to achieve it, but I will definitely give it my all! Is the biggest and toughest challenge I have set for myself to date. I need all the good luck I can get! haha!

So what's my GIANT and crazy goal? Hmmmmm......to earn a 8 digit income in 2 years time!! I'm setting an impossible goal for myself to achieve, but then that's the kick of it. Aim high and big. I feel that these 2 years will be a golden opportunity to achieve my giant goal if I put all my heart and effort in pursuing my goal. There are a lot of good opportunities out there and I just need to have a bit of luck and timing to help me to achieve my goal.

Is actually nice to set a giant goal because it makes life more exciting and challenging for me. I enjoy unpredictability occasionally as it spices up my life. I don't enjoy working in a structure environment and earning a fixed income. I'm not crazy about climbing up corporate ladder. I hate protocols and playing by the rules just because everyone is doing it. Boring.

Anyway, I will work hard towards achieving my goal. Wish me luck!!

Life is Unpredictable

Last weekend there were 2 shootings in Florida. One was a young singer, 22 years old and the other was a shooting at a gay club. Around 50 people were killed and more were wounded. Crazy!! What has the world become? Seriously, all these mindless shooting reminded me again and again that life is unpredictable and it can be taken from us in a blink of an eye without notice. Hence we should appreciate every moment we are alive. We should celebrate and live every minute like it is our last. Seriously, we will never know when we will breath our last breath so live the life you want and stop wasting time idling and not chasing your dreams!

There are a lot of issues going on in my life right now, mostly financial related, therefore it is a bit hard for me to focus and not be affected by those issues, but I'm doing my utmost best to do so. I don't want my life to have any regrets hence seeing the beauty in everything is the best way for me to live my life. I'm not scare of death as long as it is a quick death. I don't want to suffer and burden my love ones to take care of me.

Since I had experienced a very scary accident I know that my life can be gone without notice. I will never be able to predict when, where and how I'm going to die. Keeping this in mind, I promise myself I will do my best to live everyday as it is my last day. Not easy to do, but I'm going to try to do it. I want a meaningful and colourful life. I don't want to lose people I value and cherish although I know it is unavoidable as people come and go in our life. No matter how hard I try to keep those people in my life, I can never force them to stay. People change, feelings change, and all I can do is accept the fact and continue to live my life at my own terms.

Because life is so unpredictable, we can never truly follow the path that we plan for ourself as a lot of things can and will happen to throw us off guard and deviate from our original path. Hence we need to learn to be flexible and adapt to changes. It had been a struggle for me during the past 2 months after my friendship ended with Peter. I lost sight of the core me. I was actually very sad and I could sense that I wasn't as happy and cheerful as before. I felt like my free spirited nature, which was the main thing that attracted him to me was gone. I was cracking my head seeking answers from him and hoping against all hope that he would genuinely apologise to me for his accusation and come clean to me once and for all by answering all my questions. I was never told the real truth and given a clear picture by him. I was fed bit and pieces and I had to piece all those piecemeal info together by myself and took a wild guess of the answers.

My mind was having trouble to comprehend what had happened between Peter & I and how could our friendship deteriorated so quickly. It was a 1 week downward spiralled. It just surprised me that all the understanding we built over the course of the past 2 years went down the drain over the accusation. It made me wondered did we truly understand and trusted each other or not.

If I be honest I wish we have a chance to thrash everything out. It never crossed my mind that our friendship foundation was so weak and wobbly. Our friendship became the victim of the internet harassment. Now that I'm back to my normal self, almost 100% but to yet, I miss having him as a friend. But I know there is no chance for us to resume this friendship as he is never as forgiving as me. He will uses my past against me!! But then again, I will never know for sure since life is unpredictable anything can happens. So for now I'm just going to accept the fact that we are out of each other life for good and we will never cross path again. Fact and reality.

I will never be able to forget him as he was the man that I truly loved and cared for as a friend and lover. It will never be easy to erase him from my mind even if I can successfully erase him from my heart. Sad truth. Anyway, live life to the fullest and make sure that there is no regret.

Vicious attacked on the Internet 😤😤😤

I googled my own name and found that I was called a cunt and stupid bitch by the internet harasser. There were a lot of posts ranting about me and Peter Wittendorp as well as her. I was furious when I read what was wrote repetitively. It was vicious, demeaning and malicious! And for the 1st time I saw all 3 our names linked together!! Fuck! And I was called a hypocrite! I was like WTF!! I didn't do anything to deserve such a vicious and demeaning attack by this unknown person! I didn't harm anyone intentionally in my entire life to be called a cunt and stupid bitch. I'm innocent and I was dragged into this ugliness just because I knew him. I already went thru a lot in my 2 years of association with him and now I have to experience this type of aggressive abuse and demeaning names calling, which is really pissing me off big time. I don't want to revisit how I was dragged into this ugliness and muddiness......if he acted as a responsible man and be honest and upfront with me from Day 1 or when this internet harassment started, I would be more cautious and alert with my actions. If only......

Anyway, the past is the past. I can't turn back the clock to rewrite history. I can only learn to adapt and move forward. I had done my best to request those websites to remove those malicious posts where my name appeared since he doesn't bother to do anything about it. 1 or 2 websites did removed those posts and after their removal from their websites I had to send the removal content request to Google to get those cached remove too. Managed to get some of it removed from Google search, but there are still out there. I really don't understand why he doesn't asks for removal!! Damn it!

Because of the ugliness and vicious attacked, I decided that if my reputation has to go thru the muddiness, then I should be the one to do it myself rather than left it to an internet harasser to do the job! I'm not sure if I have made the right decision to openly admit my past with him. I really don't know. I just feel that this is the right thing to do. I don't want to give the harasser any more upper hand to expose me and him. We were the past and he is no longer in my life. I shouldn't have to go thru this ugliness anymore. I don't deserve it!! I never got anything good from him during the past 2 years so now that he is out of my life....I deserve peace! He hasn't protected me in the past, he will never protect me now especially when he has no qualms in throwing accusation at me. So I have to depend on myself to salvage my reputation and retain my sanity.

Beside, he doesn't deserves me protecting his identity too. We are mature adults, hence we should take responsibility for our actions and decisions. Anyway, I just don't want to give anyone any chance to shoot me in the head. If I have to be killed, I will pull the trigger myself!

I just pray that the ugliness and viciousness will end very very soon! As to how he feels or thinks if he reads my posts, I really don't care. If he truly knows me and willing to see things from my standpoint, he will understands why I'm writing all these posts. But my money is on that he will never understands and even if he does, he will choose not to. Anyway, think whatever he wants. I'm done trying to understand him.

So for now I just have to rely on myself to protect my own reputation and remove as much of those vicious and demeaning posts as possible. And also pray that the internet harasser won't attack me anymore especially when I'm no longer associated to Peter Wittendorp. We are just stranger now. Mix feeling about being stranger. Will write about it in my next post on this topic if I feel like sharing.

Banyan Tree Pavilion Suites in KL, Malaysia

Went to collect my keys for my Banyan Tree unit and am happy with the improvements they had done or in the process of doing. My unit doesn't has much defects so I'm happy. Full KLCC view from my unit.

Putting it up for sale as I bought it purely for investment. Hopefully I can sell it fast so that I can move on to my next investment. 

Not going to explain

I'm not going to explain why I wrote my last post with his full identity made known. I don't want to waste time explaining because irregardless how valid is my reason for doing so. I know for sure it will be wrongly interpreted by him if 1 day he happens to stumble across my blog again and read the post. I know how he thinks too well even if we are stranger now. He never bothers to ask and hear the reasons. He just like to assume. Assumption is his middle name.

In fact, I can see and understand him more clearly now than before. Before I was trying to blind myself to his flaws and constantly find reasons to excuse him, but now that I don't need to do that I can actually see thru to him clearly. And knowing him well it means once he has made up his mind on an issue, he will stick by it. Anyway,  I don't need anyone permission to write what I want especially when I'm writing fact.

I really don't want to explain so I'm not going to do so. All I will say is I didn't write that post with malicious intention. Plus what matter the most is my conscience is cleared, which it is. That's all I'm going to say and that is all that matters to me :-)! 

Peter Wittendorp, I forgive you

Peter, I forgive you for all the pain and hurt you caused me. I forgive you for lying and accusing me. I forgive you for being a class A jerk towards me for the past 2 years. I forgive you for putting me thru emotional roller coasters and made me fell in love and cared for you. I forgive you for all the mean and harsh words you said to me. I forgive you for making me believed that we were good friends for life and that you respected me and that you genuinely cared and loved me. I forgive you although you don't deserve it. I forgive you because holding on to resentment hurts me.

This time is for real that I can finally forgive you. I don't feel an aversion to your name, Peter, anymore. When I thought about you, I no longer feel upset or happy. My feelings are neutral. Finally, I feel peace within myself. When I looked at your pictures that you sent to me in the past, I don't miss you anymore. When I read our old SMSes, I don't feel anything anymore. The memories are still there, but it isn't affecting my mood anymore. I could tell my good friends what happened between us in the last 2 years, from the day you walked back into my life on Jan 6, 2014 and until April 18, 2016 without feeling sad and tearing up anymore. I don't want this bitterness sitting captive in my heart.

I stopped looking for answers and trying to understand why you accused me although I still couldn't understand why you lied to me. But it doesn't matter anymore. What you think of me isn't important anymore because you are just a stranger now and therefore, your view of me is irrelevant. And I shouldn't be so upset, mad and sad over a stranger's views. Irregardless, I have no regrets. Because of you, I learned a lot about myself, about relationship and friendship. It was a valuable lesson although it ended uglily. Forgiving you means I can stop beating myself up for being a fool and let go of my anger. I know in your mind you definitely think you don't need my forgiveness. But I need to forgive you not because of you, but for me. Forgiving you means I'm letting down my ego. It means that I have come to terms with the pain and hurt you have caused me. You don't deserve my forgiving, but I choose to forgive you. I choose to be a bigger person with a big heart than you.

Last, but not least, I'm sorry for calling you a prick. I feel bad for my meanness.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you a good life Peter Wittendorp.