Closer to my goals

I'm working on an exciting deal that will yield me very substantial financial reward if the deal goes thru. Is getting closer, but I won't know for sure if I have successfully pull off the deal until Sept/Oct this year. It will be a deal that will makes my competitors envious and garner me unnecessary attention. In my professional life, I prefer to be low profile as I don't want my competitors to get wind of the deals I'm working on. But unfortunately, my blonde color hair it is hard to fly under the radar. Haha.

Beside, my industry is a very small market. Once you had built up a reputation and track record, other competitors will know who you are. And not sure fortunate or unfortunate for me, I have built up a good reputation for myself in the industry and hence people tend to be curious about what I'm doing and etc.

In fact, there are many people who remember or recognise me, but yet I don't remember them especially those I don't deal with often. I feel flattered when people came up to me and told me they know me and counted off to me some of the deals I had concluded successfully. I actually find it amusing too as I'm the type person who doesn't gives a shit about my competitors and definitely don't remember their name and achievements.

I don't envy the financial reward they earn because I know if I work hard and smart I will earn my own financial reward too. I make enough of money to sustain and maintain my own lifestyle and I'm happy and proud of myself. I don't have everything as I always tell people, but I have things I want to have in my life which I bought with my own hard earned money. Except for a some gifts from dad and brother (watches, bags, diamonds).

Sure, I love to have someone I love present me with gifts, but I'm ok with buying things for myself and not wait until someone gets it for me. Anyway, praying hard for my deals.

Wish me luck 😄!

My Current State of Mind & Feeling

I was swarmed with work and re-building my life after the crushing heartbreak. Finally, I'm happy to share that I'm doing well in both departments 😁😁! Business opportunities are growing at a steady pace although all the big deals I'm working on currently are still work in progress, but at least I have a chance to close those deals. In fact, I have a pretty good and positive feeling that I might be able to pull off a few big deals in the next 6 months. I'm feeling euphoric that my hard work is slowly paying off. I have created a blue ocean for myself and company. Nothing beats the intense feeling of satisfaction that I get every time I looked back at how far I had come. It isn't pay day yet, but the signs are very positive that I will hit jackpot in the next 6 months to 1 year. I just need to stay focus, motivated and continue to think creatively to develop more new clients and learn new things.

Not only I can feel the changes in me, I can see it clearly as well. Are they good changes or bad? Hmmmm......I guess it depends on each individual acceptance level. Personally, I think those changes were good for me as it were part of my growing up process. But to some people who have known me previously before the changes took place, they might not like the new me.

In the past, I always checked up on my friends and made sure they were well and fine. But now, I don't do much of it. Mainly is because I don't want to absorb any unnecessary negative energy. I usually shy away when I sense any negative vibes heading towards me. Last time, I absorbed a lot and even did my best to cheer my friends up by sharing my positive energy/vibes with them, which not only drained me but also made me worried about them. I realised now that I don't want to be their sounding board anymore   as we are all adults hence we should deal with the drama in our life ourselves. I was always very giving until I my caring and giving nature were fully taken advantage of by underserving people, such as Peter Wittendorp and my crazy mum. Both of them used and took advantage of my compassionate nature repetitively and stabbed my in my heart. Seriously, they were a few parallels from both of them on how they used and treated me. Thank god I cut both of them out of my life for good. They couldn't hurt me anymore!

I'm not sure I will be able to fully forgive them for what they did, said and treated me. I don't break down and cry anymore as I had accepted the facts, but occasionally I felt a tinge of sadness when I recounted the stories to friends. Once a blue moon thing though. Recently I was shown a pic of my crazy mum and I didn't even want to look at her face. And I'm definitely not interested to know about her current life!! I don't want dramas and disturbance to be heaped on me again!

I had also looked at the pictures of  Peter Wittendorp just recently and what I saw was a stranger. The face that I used to love, the laughter that made me giddy and happy, the man that I thought was a good man and Mr Right for me was dead on April 18, 2016 when he did the unspeakable to me! I didn't know then, but it was the night that he robbed my happiness, compassion and ability to trust people from me. It took me 1 year to recover, but I will never be able to trust people like I used to anymore. I used to take people words as trustworthy, but not anymore. Words need to be backed up by consistent  actions before I will accord my trust to them.

So now the man in the picture is a pathological liar, a hypocrite, a fakey and an asshole. I feel like a fool for falling for Peter Wittendorp, sucking in all his words and putting up with his shitty treatments and the emotional turmoil he put me through! Seriously, it was really ironic for a pathological liar (2 years) like him to throw accusation at me! What a fucking joke! To be honest, I don't think I will ever be able to stop cursing him for what he did to me. I don't know why, but every time when I wrote his name I feel the urge to cuss him and I will become 😤😤! I think I better stop or else I will make myself upset over an asshole!!

Anyway, overall I'm in a good place emotionally, mentally and physically. The upset feeling I had passed by quickly so it doesn't affect me. Now my full attention are given to my business and getting my financial back in order so that my lifestyle will not be greatly affected by a temporary setback. That sums up my current state of mind and feeling.

Till the next post peeps!

24.8.16 - 3rd wave in business

The start of a new adventure and chapter in my career. The new company name has been approved. Finally, after a long wait. Things are definitely moving now. The new office space is also confirmed. Name cards and letterhead are in the midst of being design. So looking forward to creating and achieving another milestone in my business venture. This round will be a 3rd wave for me hence the goals I'm chasing is 5x more than the last goal I set and achieved in 2012.

So what's the goal I have set for myself? RM10mil nett income in 2 years! When I told people my goal, their 1st statement was, "wow", then followed by "can I work for you?" or "how are you going to do that", "how much sales do you have to sell?"

Although no one had said to me my goal is crazy or impossible, but I could tell from their questions that they thought I'm talking big and acting crazy. Hahaha. Don't blame them for having such thoughts about me and my goal. To 80% of population, earning RM10mil in 2 years is a gigantic and impossible task and goal to achieve. Even to me, it won't be easy, but it isn't impossible! Definitely it will be very challenging, but I'm going to give it my 200%. It will be the biggest challenge and highest goal I have set for myself to date 😆!

And honestly I'm feeling very excited and charged by this new goal. I have a few plans in mind and a few of my friends told me they will help me to achieve my goal. Haha. They are definitely in a position to help me to reach my goal quickly as they have a lot of good contacts and also they are on the lookout to buy valuable properties. Aside from them, I also have new pool of rich clientele so that will increase my chances of hitting my set goal 😆😆!

Bottomline is I will give it my all!! Wis me luck! Haha. Enjoy the article.

10 Traits That Define Entrepreneur Success

p.s. The adrenalin rush of chasing big deals and big goals are as good as having great sex. The success in closing a mega deal with a 9 digit value is an aphrodisiac for me 😂😂!

Jobless soon

Will be jobless soon. My heart isn't in the company anymore. No matter how hard I have tried to fit in, I just couldn't. And I'm not going to force myself to fit in anymore. I'm like a bird.....I don't like to be caged. I like to have the freedom to chase after my goals and dream without having to worry about meeting anyone's expectation. For me, I want to explore a few different directions and create my own blue ocean. I like to branch out and keep modifying my business ideas. Not only I want to build sustainable business, but I want to fulfil a vision and a dream. I don't need to make a lot of money, but I do want to build one of the best boutique company in the industry. And I can't do that where I'm currently. 

I need to leave and go after my own dream and goals again. I don't believe in magic because believing in magic means believing in illusion. I prefer to believe in reality. Anyway, have to wait until my Country Head to return from her holiday to tender my resignation letter. Then probably another 1-2 months before I can leave. Guessing, not sure as she might asks me to leave early. Which I don't mind to be honest. 

Will see......

Quit if work isn't enjoyable!

Yesterday I did something I would never do if it was 5 years ago. I told my client I withdraw my service to him and from the assignment. I had enough of his unreasonableness as well as trying to make me looked incompetent. The monetary gain isn't worth such an insult and assault to my intelligence, self respect and self worth. My life is too precious to be wasting my time and energy dealing with people who don't know how to be reasonable and respectful. He thinks he is right just because he is the client. I tolerated him for 5 months and I had enough of it. Done and over with!

I copied my Country Head in the email and also sent her messages to tell her to withdraw me from the assignment and I don't care if she wants to deduct or not pay me the commission as I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm not a rookie and I always did and gave my very best, but when a client gets too unreasonable and humiliating, I won't put up with it anymore. I'm at a stage in my life where I work for fun and not to stress myself out over a deal. It ain't worth it. Life isn't just about money and deals. Beside, I don't like to keep pretending that I'm happy to provide my services to the client when I'm not. I don't want to force myself to do something I don't enjoy doing. Period.

Am I worried of getting into trouble with my Country Head?? NO I don't. I'm prepared to resign from this corporate company as I don't see myself fitting in at all! As I get older, I'm getting more selective on the type of clients I want to provide my services too. I want to have the choice to choose who I want to work with and I want to be happy working. That's my bottomline!!

Anyway, I off my company's phone and shut down my laptop. I'm very sure there are many messages and emails from this client and my Country Head. I don't care. I have decided not to deal with it until I feel like I want to deal with it which is most likely tomorrow afternoon as I have meeting in the morning. I already told my Country Head from Day 1 before she hired me that money isn't my priority. I must enjoy my work and also able to learn new skills. But my present company is unable to provide to me those 2 things so I don't see a future in this company.

Oh well......is time to take another short sabbatical so that I can search for new challenges and opportunities that will invigorates and motivates me to reach for my giant goal! Wish me luck.....😀😀

Live to work

Had 2.5 hours morning breakfast with my Country Head on Monday (18.7.16) to discuss about my future in the company. I told her I'm not sure if I can last long in the company as the rigid company structure is really not my cup of tea and I don't find the fun in working in the company. I don't like reporting and I don't like the pressure. At this stage of my life, I want to work for pleasure and not pressure. I don't want to climb up the corporate ladder (not that I'm not capable and qualify). I just want to enjoy my work without having to concern myself about achieving my target and etc. I want freedom. I live to work NOT work to live. Most people will worry if they still have a job, I don't.

I told my Country Head that I feel like I have to prove myself all over again in this company and I don't like that. And most important I don't want to suck up to my clients when I don't want to. I want to be able to choose my clients and if I work in this company I don't have the freedom and flexibility. She understood and she tried her best to convince me to continue to stay for the balance of 18 months. She said she needed me to help her to grow the company. I told her to give me until August and I will give her my final decision. I told her I need to sort out my own thoughts and find my own goal. I will give her my final decision after my birthday in August.

Frankly, if possible I would want to quit my job now as this job isn't for me. I don't enjoy reporting and I hate the bureaucratic and rigid corporate structure. I find it suffocating. I don't like to play by the rules and the office politics. Maybe when I was younger and before I had a taste of being my own boss and responsible for my own decision making, I would think climbing the corporate ladder and being a CEO of a company was the best thing in the world. But not now anymore. I find people who work in such an environment are usually very conscious about their reputation and wearing a mask - a public persona and a private persona are 2 different people. Just like Peter. I can't be that type of person. I work hard to behave the same publicly and privately and I don't want to hide any part of me to please people.

And I might have to do that in the office as someone commented to my Country Head that I came across as negative when I vented my frustrations on a client. She told me try not to vent in the open office and if I need to, goes to her and let it out. Hahaha! When I heard that I was like....seriously!! Venting frustration = negative!! It is hilarious to even hear that remark as everyone who knows me will confirm that I'm the most positive person they have ever met. Even Peter said that to me all the time and it was 1 of the thing he loved about me....my positiveness!! So to be told that I appeared negative because I vented my frustrations, I wasn't only feeling dumbfounded but also hilarious 😂

😂!!

See, I also have to give up my freedom of speech and expression!! Ridiculous! She told that I'm too noticeable whether I want it or not. People will just pay more notice to me from what I wear to what i say and do. Can't help it she said especially with my blonde color hair and outgoing nature couple with my directness.

Anyway, bottomline is I don't need this job so not going to concern myself with the comments. I might not have the same financial stability as I used to have 3.5 years ago, but I still have enough for me to choose what I want to do and who I want or don't want to work for. This is the type of freedom I have and I'm not afraid to choose. I'm truly lucky that I LIVE TO WORK and not WORK TO LIVE!