Distrust

I realised that I won't be able to trust men easily, especially when it comes to men I like. After my experienced with Peter Wittendorp, I became more cautious and distrustful of men. I used to laugh a lot even over the silliest thing, but now I'm laughing lesser. I know I shouldn't allow my experienced with him to change me, but it did. I'm more guarded with my feelings and I actually feel scare to fall in love again as I don't want to be feel hurt again. I can actually feel my phobia inside me.

I'm doubting some of the things Phil told me although he gave me no reasons to doubt his words. I just couldn't help it. The experienced with Peter Wittendorp has scared me and I'm not even sure if I would be able to forget what he did to me. I had no reasons to doubt Peter Wittendorp hence I trusted him whole heartedly only to find out later that he had lied and deceived me for 2 years. For 2 fucking years he fed me with his web of lies until I couldn't tell right from wrong. Even until now, I'm not even sure what were lies and what were the truth?? Peter Wittendorp distorted the facts until I'm not able to differentiate what was real and what was fake!! 

If lying to me wasn't enough, he had to throw accusation at me and push me under the bus to save his fucking dick! What type of man would hurt a woman repetitively? Only a man like Peter Wittendorp would do that as he is a selfish asshole without a conscience.

So what he owns and runs a successful company. A man who doesn't apologise after hurting and lying to a woman is a prick that doesn't deserves any respect!! If I would to post all the messages and SMSes I still have with me (which he has a set as well), the world will see his true colors and know that everything I wrote about him so far was the truth. I'm tempted, very tempted in fact to air his dirty laundry out in the open, but I couldn't bring myself to do it because I'm not a bitch! I wish I'm to be honest because then I will do it. I will show the world with the proofs I have with me the real Peter Wittendorp!!

But I won't do it unless he does something intentionally bad and mean to me again such as hurling another accusation at me. If he does that one more time, he better be prepared for people to find out what a class A asshhole he is, how badly he treated me, the lies he fed me and how he misled me into trusting him and played with my feelings. Presently it is still my words against his and people will think I'm crazy for ranting and cursing about him non-stop. He can still keeps his image and maintain his reputation as long as there aren't any proofs. I will keep it this way as long as he doesn't drags me thru the mud again. 

But if Peter Wittendorp wants to drag me thru the mud again, I will make sure he is going down with me and I promise he won't be able to walk away cleanly. And for the record I'm not threatening him as I don't need to do so. This time around I won't allow him to walk all over me again!! All I ever wanted from him was his honesty and a forever friendship. I never asked him to fall in love with me and when he did, he should and loved me without hurting me. And when I walked away, he shouldn't had walked back in and brought all the drama to my doorsteps. I don't deserve the shit storm he puts me thru, but he and her definitely deserve it as they are legally together. I'm not. I don't benefit anything out of this lovership with Peter Wittendorp except heartbreak and heartache. Fuck him!!

And thanks to Peter Wittendorp, I'm becoming distrustful of men. I know it will affect my future relationship when I can't trust my future partner without a doubt. Asshole like Peter Wittendorp doesn't cares the damages he did to me emotionally and mentally. He has no balls to sincerely apologise for what he did to me and give me the truth about why he created such a massive web of lies and deceits just to cheat on his marriage with me????? Why Peter Wittendorp??? Why???

Peter Wittendorp, you are a real piece of work and a class A asshole prick!! And yes, tonight I feel like ranting and cursing him hence I'm writing this post! Don't care what people think of me. I'm writing my feeling and facts only. I'm entitled to write my views and my feelings that I experienced first hand. Even if people think I'm crazy, so be it!! I just want to let go of my negative feelings because he gave it to me!! Asshole!