Attention

Waking up to read so many of Chris messages just made my day and put a big smile on my face. Still smiling while typing away now 😀! We just enjoy teasing and flirting with each other. And he is very good at cracking jokes. Last night, after my post, I received his messages and some of the things he wrote just made me laughed so hard. 

What I realised is all men are big kids at heart and they want attention as much as us women. Just that they don't say it out loud or ask for it, unlike us women. We women are more vocal in what we want from men, but not the other way around. So as a woman I need to read cues and know when to give attention to my lover. And also when he needs his space so that I can give it to him and let him come back to me when he is in the right headspace. 

Thanks to my last experienced, I became a better version of myself now and I know when to take and when to give. Men is just like a kite. If you pull the string of the kite too hard, it might snap and fly away. But if you learn the right way to pull and release at the right time, the kite will soar higher into the sky and you can also pull it back when you want. Think about it. The more you give men space, the more they will appreciate you and not run away as they don't feel they are losing their freedom and space. It took me a painful 2 years with a class A jerk to understand that by giving a man what he wants I get more bacon return without my asking. The less I want to know what Chris is doing during his free time, the more he is willing to share with me without my asking. Both of us have our own life and since we are so far apart, it is pointless and useless for me to keep asking him and getting too involve with his life. I trust him to know what he is doing. We are both experienced and mature adults, hence we should be responsible for our own actions. 

I'm so much happier when I give up the need to know and just enjoy him and our time chatting and talking. Last night, I asked him to send an audio to me as I wanted to hear his voice before I slept and he did. Chris has a deep, soothing, manly voice that I find really sexy and hot. It is a huge turn on for me 😛😈! When I want attention I will ask him. But most of the time he gives me a lot and vice versa. 

Give the right attention and space to a man and you will find more enjoyment and less pressure in your relationship/lovership. I learned the hard way, but I learned and I'm happy now 😂😂!

My favourite guy

Captain Cool, my favourite guy at the moment 😂. He always managed to crack me up with his silliness and wise ass remarks! Oh oh, I love to hear his deep manly voice. Is such a turn on for me 😍! With him, I can be very blunt and upfront and I know he doesn't feel offended. Most of the times we forgot what we told each other hence never any hard feelings. And if I feel any negativity building up inside me, I will tell him and stay away until the negativity is gone. I don't want to take it out on him because I don't think it is fair. It is my negative emotions hence I need to take care of it myself without involving anyone. I have learned a lot in the past 3 months on how to truly live an open life and communicate my feelings and thoughts openly without holding back. Is still work in progress, but I see tremendous improvements in my relationship with people, from strangers to business partners to friends and family. I realised that there are people out there who are like me and appreciate my honesty and bluntness rather than told me not to be too blunt or take offend easily. I can use any words I like and want without having to worry about that person feel offended. 

It is truly liberating to be able to be blunt and honest with people. I'm not everyone cup of tea and is fine. I don't want to be everyone cup of tea. Haha. Chris has shown me what I truly want from a lover, be it full time or part-time. He brought out the creative side of me and he enjoys my mental energy as much as I enjoy his. With Chris, I have learned to chill and not be bothered by the unknown. I used to ask a lot of personal questions, but now I let it be. The less I ask, the more info he volunteered and sometimes I really don't want to know at all. I don't want to get too addicted to him when he is just a part-time lover and not a full-time lover. I don't want to absorb anyone negative energy and drama anymore therefore the less I know the better I feel 😀!

At this juncture, Chris is definitely my favourite part-time lover. When will I feel bored with him, I don't know yet. When will he feel bored with me, I don't know too. Haha. But I have a feeling he won't feel bored with me for awhile 😂😝! I'm able to step back and give him his space anytime he wants it. I don't hold on to what we have. Instead I just go with the flow and see where it takes me.

I told him this afternoon to take his headspace anytime he wants and comes back to me when he is in the right frame of mind as me. I don't enjoy chatting with him when we aren't on the same wavelength. Yes, I do miss our daily chats when I don't hear from him, but is ok. Sometimes too much of something will make me sick too. So occasionally I need to reduce the doses of him in order for me and him to last longer. 

If Chris misses me, he will reach out. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. Life still goes on. My life doesn't revolve around him or waiting for him to call or text me. I enjoy his presence, but I'm also ok without it. After my last experienced, I find that going with the flow is just the way to go. People come, people go. Why get so hung up on 1 particular person when there are 7 billion people in the universe 😉! 

"Don't"

A regularly use word in daily life, but yet I have a serious aversion to this word especially if it is uttered by someone I like such as Chris. We were having our regular chats and I asked him if he has different compartments in his minds for different things in his life as I know most men do. It was just a curious question from my end because I enjoy studying people.

And to be fair his replied was normal, but he used the word "Don't"!!! His exact phrase was, "Don't study me or you end up with headache and horny". It was kinda funny the last part of the sentence, but I didn't feel funny at all. I felt slightly pissed off and went into a defensive mode. The reason I felt pissed off was because it reminded me of Peter Wittendorp. He liked to use the word "Don't" a lot...."can you please don't do this or that" or "why don't you do this or that".....I felt deja vu all over again as if like I needed permission to do or say anything I like and want in my life. I hate being told what I can or can't do. I know Chris didn't mean it like that, but because of my past experienced the word just irked me to the max! 

So I replied him....I didn't waste time studying him as people change and they don't show their true self anyway. He didn't reply back after that. Later in the evening, I dropped him a message to tell him that I will stay away from him for a few days as I felt some negativity building up and I don't want to take it out on him unintentionally. 

He replied and said he understand and is normal because we are all human. He is like that too. And he thanked me for telling him. I didn't explain to him why I wanted to stay away. I thought about telling him, but then I decided not to because I don't feel like explaining myself about my past with Peter. Even if I did explained he might not have understand why I have aversion to a word. 

Is something I need to work on it myself. No one can help me to overcome this aversion. I just didn't expect that a simple word will bring back negative memories of Peter. Sigh......

Anyway, let's hope I get rid of the aversion for the word "Don't" asap. Wish me luck!

Moral Police

Majority of the world population like to act as though that they are tasked to be a moral police for someone else behaviour and actions. A lot of people feel that it is their right to judge and condemn people who don't conform to society norm or don't behave like them. Who are we to judge another human being?? We are all flaws and imperfect. We do our best to live the life we feel and think is right for us. But what is right for us might not be right for other people. And is ok because we are not put on this earth to live a life for someone's else!

We are borne into this world to live a life of our own, create our own story and carve our own journey. And as we move along in life, we collect scars because of the battles we have to fight to live the life we want. Is already a challenge to live our own life, so I really don't understand why do people like to take on more unappreciated role such as becoming a moral police for someone else life? 

Beside, before we judge other people, please make sure that we are ok to be judged back in return. If we are not ok, then we need to think twice before we open our mouth to comment on someone else actions and behaviours. Don't be a moral police if you are not ready to accept being policed back in return. 

Anyway, the best way to have a happy life is to let people live their life at their own terms and conditions and we live ours at our own terms and conditions. We are not borne into this world to waste our time to become moral police of other people actions and behaviours.

So live and stop worrying 😃!

Chris is Drawn to Me

My favourite Captain told me last night he is drawn to me mentally and sexually. Deja Vu feeling for me because I heard the exact same statement 1.5 years ago from the person who  hurt me the most, Peter. Why oh why are men always drawn to me mentally and sexually??

But at least with Chris I know what he wants and what I'm getting into. Chris said to me he believes in our connection and energy and I do agree with him. I know I don't make sense and I really don't know how to explain, but there are a lot of similarities between us.  His fav food - Japanese (can eat daily sashimi) and Thai (especially street Phad Tai). For me also the same cuisine, but not as specific as him. 

It is exactly 1 month since we started communicating and so far it is growing stronger each day. I told him I won't ask him any prying questions so if he wants to offer me any details about himself I will be happy to know. I told him it doesn't matter how much I know about him, what matter is I trust him. I need to learn to trust again because if I don't I will overthink and pick every things he had said to me apart and analysing every words!! I won't do this to myself hence I choose to trust him until I'm proven wrong to trust him. At this moment, he hasn't given me a reason not to trust him. I don't think he will be a mean person and I have a feeling I will be safe when I'm with him.

I feel like he is my mirror and he is reflecting my inner desires and wants. I keep reminding myself not to get too carry away with him, but somehow the pull between us is strong. With Chris, I'm living and enjoying the moment. I don't think about the future and what if! I can say for sure that I'm going with the flow and see where it leads me too. I have a feeling he will teach me something new about myself and elevate me to the next level 😝😝! He is my twin 😈😈! Haha.

Anyway, it makes me feel good to know that he is drawn to me. He adds to my happiness quotient on almost daily basis. So no complaint about him yet! 😂

Ok, I have to end this post now as I have to spend sometime chatting with him. My night is always busy! Haha

Never Say Never

Everyone who knows me know that Asian men never appeal to me and I will never ever consider dating them, let alone Malaysian men. So when I told Nora that I actually kinda like Chris and he is a Malaysian, she was surprised!! (So am I too 😆). After my 1st ex who was a Malaysian Chinese, I never dated any Malaysian or Asian men anymore. I just feel that they aren't able to accept me for who I'm and mentality wise I just feel Westerners are more in line with my ways of thinking. And sexual wise, Asian men are less giving compare to Westerners. Because of these 2 reasons, Asian men will never be my cup of tea and I'm dead set in my thinking until Chris showed up. Never in a million years I would have guessed that I would be attracted to a Malaysian man!!!

In the past my friends had told me that the things or people I dislike the most might ended up being the things or people I might love the most. I confidently answered them back then that it would never happened to me as I know clearly what I want from a man and the things I want in life. But now with the appearance of Chris it looks like I might have to eat my words! 😂😂

God/Universe has its way to prove us wrong. Chris is really not the typical Asian men therefor we can connect and click so well because I don't think like a typical Asian women too. No offence to any Asian women. Nothing wrong with Asian women mentality or behaviour. Just that I don't fit into the mould and I'm fine for not fitting in. This is who I am. 

My take away lesson from my lovership with Chris is never say never because your never might be your yes 😛! I guess I need to keep an open mind and heart and don't close the door so quickly because then I might have missed the chance of like minded people such as Chris. I'm glad I took a chance with Chris and so far I'm enjoying what we are experiencing. The mental connection is just great. So will see and just go with the flow.

Remember, NEVER SAY NEVER 😄! Because if you do you might miss out on a good thing. Just give it a chance, just like I did. A wake up call for me, but a good one for sure! Life really is full of surprises! Haha

2nd time from Chris

Yesterday evening I whatsapp Chris and told him that if 1 day we become bored with each other and this lovership, we will tell each other and walk away without ghosting. And I also told him that I have a feeling we will be friends for long even after the lovership has ended.

His replied to me was he has a feeling he doesn't wants this lovership to end and as far as he is concerned he doesn't ghost on people. But his next statement was the one that made me feel a bit scared....He wrote to me  - Kind of have this feeling of "where have you been all my life" going on. This is the 2nd time in a span of less than 2 months he made that statement to me. The 1st time when he said that, I brushed it aside as joke because we were talking about something silly. And I didn't give any thoughts to it.

But yesterday evening when I read his replied......I'm feeling a bit scared because we weren't joking about anything silly. I like him, but I don't know much about him yet and vice versa too. I mean we think alike in some topics and we both want the same things in some very specific areas so our mental connection is pretty strong. He told me several times that he feels comfortable with me and I feel the same too. We actually sync in certain areas.

I didn't reply to his statement. I just left it like that. I'm scared because I heard similar statement made by Peter before when we were happy, loving and still together. But look what happened to us now! I don't want  a repeat with Chris. I know my circumstance with Chris is different and Chris is also a very different from Peter in many ways so I might just be overreacting. I don't want to fall in love with Chris. And I don't want him to fall in love with me because there is a possibility he might. It happened to Peter Wittendorp too.

Bottomline is I'm not ready to fall in love with anyone at this moment. I just want a carefree lovership where if things has to end we can still be friends. Anyway, not going to overthink, but rather just enjoy Chris and our chats (at least 5 days a week). He loves attention and he loves to give attention too. Haha. So we are good for each other. With Chris is always playful, horny and unexpected. Drama free and no emotions roller coaster rides. He will tells me what he wants and I will do the same. I don't need to guess anything where Chris is concerned. His appearance in my life at this moment is a message to me. He is the kind of lover I would love to meet and have in my life and now I have him.

He told me in 1 of his recent messages that although we haven't been physical, but we are lover in many ways. Again I didn't ask him in what ways because I don't want to get carry away and overanalyse every word he said to me. I just want to enjoy and go with the flow! That's all I want now with Chris 😄!

Cancelled & Deleted

Finally, the last linked I had to Peter Wittendorp is gone forever. I cancelled the subscription to the email that brought him into my life and caused so much headaches and  shitstorm to me no longer exist. The email address was wiped out without a trace. I guess it is a good thing as together with the deletion of the email address, whatever memories I still have of us will be deleted from my own memory bank too. 

Anyway, it is really time to move on and not think back anymore. I had also deleted and blocked his handphone number from my phone. But I still do remember his number as it is still ingrained in my memory bank. Now I still remember, but 1 day I won't be anymore. I still keep some of the SMSes and whatsapp messages, but I don't read back anymore. I just leave it there. Maybe 1 day when I read back I will not feel anything anymore and treat it like rubbish to be deleted. At this moment, I just want to keep it. 

Will I post it up here? I don't know. I really don't know yet. If 1 day I feel like doing so, I will. If not, then I won't. Only time will reveal my decision. 

Just glad that I cancelled the subscription and the email address was removed by the provider! Chapter closed!

Chris Went MIA

Been very busy lately hence didn't have a chance to update my blog until now. Chris went MIA for 2 days this week and I just let him be. He told me he had guest in town. I mirrored his actions and waited for him to reach out. Although I missed our daily messages, but I was adamant not to be the first one to reach out to him. I wanted to know if he missed me too. So after 2 full days of silent form my end, he whatsapp me and told me he missed our exchanges. I knew he would missed our chats and messages. I just wanted to see how long it would take him to reach out.

With Chris, there is a feeling of familiarity, like an old friend although we have only known each other for over a month. Is an easy feeling. But also a feeling of excitement and enjoyment. He is one hell of a writer. Writing what he wrote can turns any woman on. Hahaha!

Like I said, Chris inspires and stimulates me into thinking more creatively and by doing so I'm able to see things more clearly and vividly. I have a feeling we can be friends for long-term. I will share some of the messages Chris wrote to me in the near future 😉! It was relaxing and entertaining to read his messages after a long and busy day at work.

He is definitely an interesting lover to have. Will see.

Ironic

" I give people outmost respect" - to hear this statement uttered by people who are cheating or cheated on their wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend is ironic and laughable! How can one give utmost respect to other people when he/she can't even give the basic respect to his/her wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend???

Seriously, how can a cheater gives people the utmost respect or expect respect in return? I only give respect to people who show me the same level of respect or someone who is truly deserves of my respect. If a person treats me with disrespect, then he/she must be prepared to receive the same from me without whining and complaining that I'm being disrespectful to him/her.

I rarely lost respect for someone, but it happened. And it is really hard to give back the same level of respect to the person that I didn't respect anymore. Once is gone, is gone. If a cheater tells you that he/she still respects you and everyone else, take it with a grain of salt and don't believe it. It isn't possible to give utmost respect to everyone because some people just don't deserve it!! 

A husband who cheated on his wife doesn't respect her and their marriage. And a wife who  continues to stay with the cheater husband is disrespecting herself the most. So to hear this people telling me that they give utmost respect to people, the irony is just too obvious to ignore. 

And one cannot give respects to other people when one doesn't knows how to respect people they love! Anyway, just my opinions and I have nothing against anyone. I just find it ironic to hear someone telling me that he gives utmost respect to people when I know he is disrespecting his wife with his cheating behaviour. 

One cannot expect respects from others when one doesn't first respects himself or herself!

Intoxicated by Chris 😍

Chris working hours are so irregular that it makes it hard for us to chat and talk at the same time. Today he had to wake up at 5am to get to work. The life of a pilot not as glamorous as I thought. But it didn't stop us from leaving messages for each other if we weren't able to find the right timing to talk. 2 days ago, I was very busy hence I didn't contact him at all. I also wanted to give myself some space from this lovership as I don't want to become too attach to him. And he messaged me to tell me he missed my vibes 😀! Is his way of telling he missed me. 

Yesterday I had more time so we managed to spend sometime chatting and later in the night he sent me long steamy messages to convey his desires for me. Haha. 

Seriously, he can write!!!! Our mental level and wit are very similar and compatible! He said I'm yin to his yang 😝! And then he told me I'm his cup of tea. This was the 3rd time he said that to me! If only he doesn't lives and works so far away, I believe we will have a blast enjoying each other company. But too bad. Life doesn't always give us what we want! So for now I will enjoy what I can have 😉!

He intoxicated my mind with his mental energy. He is the best by far. We inspired and stimulated each other mentally. I truly enjoy him. He adds to my happiness quotient 😁! And drama free. No emotional roller coaster rides! 

He lulled me to sleep every night with his wants and desires for me and us! No matter what happen to us in the future, I will always remember him. Maybe 1 day I will post an excerpt what he wrote to me! But for now I want to keep it to myself and savour him! Haha!

Oh oh I forgot to mention his voice is soothing, husky and alluring!! I love it! The sound of his laugh was like music to my ears 👻😁!!

I told him he can makes a lot of women fall for him, but I won't be one of them! Have yet to get his reply. Wonder what is he going to say 😁! 

Don't know why we crossed path and what's his role in my life yet. Is he really the yang to my yin as he said?? 

Captain Cool Makes Me Happy

I stayed up until 5am yesterday to chat with Chris because of our time difference. We texted each other for almost 2 hours and I had a blast. Our mental energy and wavelength are very similar and our fantasy exchanged were great. We took turned to tell each other what we wanted to do and we never missed a beat. He made me laughed a lot. Even now I have a silly grin on my face just thinking about the contents of our chat.

I feel very comfortable with him. We are very upfront with each other and we are cleared what we want out of each other so no ambiguity. He enjoys giving and receiving attention from me and so do I 😆😆!  Chris wrote to me the following,

"I felt good about you. I don't know of any logical explanation as to how but I feel a good energy about you, there is an air of trust, comfort and a promise of incredible discovery with you."

Just today alone, he had checked in 3x - afternoon, evening and just now 😆😆! He told me he has to work tonight till late so he won't be able to chat with me. But he will try to check in whenever he can. Haha. So sweet of him. Oh, oh, he even sent a dedicated song to me this afternoon to make my day brighter 😂! The song was "Grease" and it was totally unexpected!! It is actually nice to have an uncomplicated lovership. Yes, yes, he is very far from me, but is ok. We have an understanding. My life still goes on as usual. My options are still open, but at the same time we will just enjoy each other and go with the flow. Not forcing anything to happen. Which is fine by me because I'm not looking for anything permanent right now. I just want to enjoy and invest some of my time with people, like Chris, that put a silly grin on my face. Hahaha.

Before he signed off, he told me he had a silly grin on his face at that moment and I asked him why? He said I made him laughed. I replied him I'm a comedian 😂😂! And I did a hocus pocus on him.....I told him to think of me. He replied, "Doh 😀😀"

Because he is Asian, he would mixed in a few words of Malay, Hokkien and Cantonese when he texted me. It was funny to read that, but I also feel a closeness to him because there were some words best expressed in other dialect than English and he could understand without the need for me to translate. For the 1st time I actually enjoy a lovership with an Asian man who is also a  Malaysian. Freaking unbelievable and awesome at the same time because Chris is really different than the typical Malaysian or Asian men. I enjoy his company tremendously! The best part is he made me feels happy.

I have a feeling we will last for awhile 😍😉!!

Mental Addiction

Yesterday morning I wrote a fantasy and I asked Chris to continue where I left off to see if he was able to follow my train of thoughts and he didn't failed me 😈! But it could be more descriptive and detailed. Haha. Nevertheless, it was still a good one. At least I got to find out that we are on the same wavelength and he can meet my wits and craziness 😂😂! Not to mention the fact that he brought back out the very cheeky and naughty side of me that was suppressed for 14 months. He unleashed it and I'm very happy it was him because he is definitely a very compatible match, at least mentally!

I told him that it is dangerous for me if I'm mentally addicted to him. And his replied, "There's no excitement without danger and there can't be mystique without distance".

I asked if he enjoys my wits and he said totally. He said,"Where have you been all my life 😄". I answered him, "Hidden as a gem to be discovered by the right man 😂😂". 

Me: I think I might be a match to you!! Haha. Chris: I think so 😊

I find mental addiction as potent as a drug although I haven't try any kinds of drugs nor do I want to try. I'm a sucker for a man who are mentally compatible to me. And it isn't easy to meet one hence when I do I have a tendency to be addicted to his brain and I will find him attractive and hot even though he might be average looking only. 

Anyway, I'm going to enjoy the mental games Chris and I are engaging in at the moment. I'm not looking for anything serious at this moment as I'm not ready to fall in love after pulling myself out of the deep holes. I want a fun, carefree and drama free part-time lovership. And I think Chris can gives it to me since he is based in Middle East due to his job. I'm not going to think too much, but just enjoy the flirting, teasing, mental stimulation and great conversation 😎!!

Am really glad and happy that he appeared in my life to show me that I should widen my horizon because life is full of surprises. I'm so happy and excited to have my old self back and to enjoy Chris's company while it last 😆! Thank you Captain Chris!!

Short Attention Span

All my best friends know that I have a short attention span when it comes to men. If they aren't interesting I won't give them the time of my day. And even if they were interesting in the beginning, they still need to have a good sense of wit and humour to keep me interested to want to find out more about them. Hence they were surprised when I gave 2 years of attention to a particular someone. But that was in the past.

My old self is back and this means if a man can't hold my interest past 3 months, then the potential of him being a lover is zero. Friend, YES! But lover, NO!! I will not waste my time on men that don't add value and happiness to my life. And I think 3 months are a fair timeline to know if I want to continue to invest my time and energy in the man or not. And if the man can't hold my interests past 3 months, it is a red flag to me because I get bored easily. If the man I like is only 1 dimensional, then forget about it. I'm not in a hurry to be in  a relationship. I don't mind being single and having my picks.

When I first started chatting with Phil, he came across as interesting as he was able to match my wits and was humorous too. But last few days, I began to lose interest in him. It is still pleasant to chat with him, but I began to notice he is one dimensional. The topics are almost the same on a daily basis and sometimes the lack of it. Hence I'm slowing down in my daily chats with Phil.

I didn't feel the initial sparks anymore. But I'm not writing him off yet. We have a pact if we both get tired of chatting with each other we will inform and not ghost on each other. I will keep it open for now until I meet him in person. And only after that I will know for sure if we have sparks and chemistry. So for now, I'm going to take it slow. Beside I'm very busy with work too. So priority is my work.

As for Chris, I still find him interesting, intriguing and mysterious 😎😉! Therefore, he still has my attention for now. Haha

Inspired and stimulated by Chris

It was almost 14 months since I last wrote about a fantasy and this morning was the 1st time I was inspired and stimulated to write again. And I have to thank Chris for it. He challenged and stimulated me to feel the passion in me alive again. I can feel my creativity and imagination returning to my mind for the 1st time this morning. I was so happy and ecstatic that I have finally regained back part of an old self of me that I thought was lost forever after the brouhaha with Peter Wittendorp. But when Chris crossed my path, I was being stirred and reminded of the part of me that I had dimmed it for 14 months.

I don't know how long Chris will be in my path nor do I want to think and wonder as my life journey isn't tie to a particular person. Our life journey is just like driving a bus....there will be different people who board and got off the bus at different stops and only a few will ride with us to the last stop. We can't force people to stay on the bus and ask them to miss their destination because then they will be pissed off and angry at us for preventing them to go on with their life. Same as people who come and go in our life. When their time is up in our life, we need to let them go. I know is hard because it was hard for me to let go of Peter Wittendorp, but time did helped to heal me. I can't say I'm 100% healed yet, but is getting there.

Maybe that's why the universe sent Phil & Chris into my life. Haha. To show and remind me of all the options that are still available out there and not holding on to someone who doesn't wants to stay. And I'm happy to have Phil and Chris appeared in my life journey irregardless of the length of their stay. I learned how to appreciate and enjoy the moment rather than worry about the future especially when I can't predict the future.

As of now, I enjoy Chris's company a lot, but because of our distance I think at most we will just be friends who are comfortable to tease and flirt with each other. He is probably a good chat companion. Haha. Doesn't matter what role he is playing or continue to play in my life now or in the future. What matters now is I'm enjoying myself chatting and messaging him and he managed to stimulate and inspire me to write on a topic that I haven't wrote for almost 14 months 😆! That's all that matter to me at this moment!! 

Thank you Chris 😘!

Chris, An Exception

As per my title, Chris is really an exception to the type of men I typically liked and attracted to. I prefer Caucasians men over Asians men mainly because I feel more mentally compatible with Caucasians men than Asian men. But Chris has shown me that if I keep my eyes open and willing to give it a try, I might be able to meet an Asian man who can be mentally compatible to me. He really caught me by surprised. Never in a million years that I would think I would be attracted to an Asian man, let alone a fellow Malaysian 😵😂!

To be honest, I'm really surprised at myself because of my attraction to Chris. He cracked me up with his witty remarks and stimulated me mentally. I never thought I would said this, but if he lives in KL I wouldn't mind dating him. Haha yes, I wouldn't mind dating Chris. I like a man who can mentally stimulates me and keeps me on my toes 😝😂! And he can. Not to mention the fact that we share a few likings and similarities. He is sapiosexual....meaning he is sexually attracted to intelligence and human mind before appearance. Same as me. As mentioned in my 1st post, we both enjoy watching the rain and I'm also an exception for him as he prefers Caucasians women over Asian women. Hahaha......it was so eerie when he told me that before I told him why he was an exception. 

Seriously, sometimes we won't know what the universe has in store for us and what kind of journey we will get to experience. We can only keep an open mind and an open heart. Chris told me that he finds me very attractive, refreshing and has a nice face. And he also knows I like to be teased 😂😂!! He is really really good with words and we both enjoy mental stimulation a lot. Oh he also said I look elegant and sexy. 

I have to remind myself not to get addicted to chatting with him as we live too far apart so at most we will only be just chat pals. Haha. Oh well, at least I have him to make me laugh and mentally stimulate me. Chris is someone who appeared in my life unexpectedly and he kinda opened my eyes to dating an Asian man like him. I really don't mind. I think it will be fun and exciting 😎!

Who knows what the future is going to be or will bring to me. For now I'm just going to enjoy the flow and chatting with him. 

Captain Chris @ Captain Cool

Made another new friend about 1.5 weeks ago. His name is Chris and he is a Captain for 1 of the top 3 commercial airlines in Middle East. He was from Malaysia and 44 years old. Normally, I wouldn't find Asian men attractive because I don't find them mentally stimulating. But Chris is an exception. He is witty, funny, creative, deep, well travelled and  intriguing. My friends know that I'm not a fan of Asian men, but Chris is different. He piques my interests, he made me laughed and he made me looked forward to chatting with him daily 😛😄!

I enjoy chatting with him and messaging each other. Last night we messaged each other for over an hour. He is in Florida now. He got in yesterday as he was on duty. We talked about a lot of things and we shared a few similar views and likings. For instance, he loves watching the rain and so do I. He described what he was feeling when he watched the rain and it was exactly how I felt every time I watched the rain. His words, "It's very calming to watch a storm wreak havoc outside, while its perfectly calm inside. There's nothing more exciting than watching a force unleashing power in such a chaotic and violent way, but yet so beautiful to watch".

I told him I would love to snuggle and watch the rain. He said having a glass of wine and listening to classical music will be fitting in this situation. I couldn't agree more with him. It is not easy to meet a guy who enjoys watching the rain as much as I do. Oh oh, when I told him I can actually smell the oncoming rain in the air before it actually rain and he said he can smell it too 😄😎!! So cool to actually talk to a man who can relates to what I was telling him and also shares the same interests as me. He enjoys drinking mojito and so do I. But he prefers classic and I prefer flavour. He likes black coffee too.

I like to ask him a lot of questions.....ya ya, as usual. Haha. He teased me and said I'm good at interview and asked if I was a spy 😂😂! He is so silly sometimes, but charming and cute too. Haha. I have to admit that I'm pleasantly surprised by Chris. Sometimes I really have to keep an open mind and open heart as I never know what the universe will surprise me 😂. 

He also told me he likes my smile and my blonde hair too. Haha. And he admires my sense of adventure. Chris cracked me up a lot with his over the top writing style. After a long hard day at work, reading his messages helped to relax me as he never failed to make me laughed so hard 😂😂!

I'm happy that we crossed path. Again, not sure how long he will remains in my path so I'm just going to enjoy while it last. Useless to think so far ahead. All I want now is a just a very chill and carefree interaction with new friends. Whether romance is in the card or not I don't care. If it happens great. If not, no big deal. Life isn't about just romance and relationship. Is about living a life I love and do whatever I like 😄! 

That's all about Chris for now......to be continued later when I have new updates to share.

p.s. I showed Chris a a few of my dolled up photos and he said I look amazing. 

Distrust

I realised that I won't be able to trust men easily, especially when it comes to men I like. After my experienced with Peter Wittendorp, I became more cautious and distrustful of men. I used to laugh a lot even over the silliest thing, but now I'm laughing lesser. I know I shouldn't allow my experienced with him to change me, but it did. I'm more guarded with my feelings and I actually feel scare to fall in love again as I don't want to be feel hurt again. I can actually feel my phobia inside me.

I'm doubting some of the things Phil told me although he gave me no reasons to doubt his words. I just couldn't help it. The experienced with Peter Wittendorp has scared me and I'm not even sure if I would be able to forget what he did to me. I had no reasons to doubt Peter Wittendorp hence I trusted him whole heartedly only to find out later that he had lied and deceived me for 2 years. For 2 fucking years he fed me with his web of lies until I couldn't tell right from wrong. Even until now, I'm not even sure what were lies and what were the truth?? Peter Wittendorp distorted the facts until I'm not able to differentiate what was real and what was fake!! 

If lying to me wasn't enough, he had to throw accusation at me and push me under the bus to save his fucking dick! What type of man would hurt a woman repetitively? Only a man like Peter Wittendorp would do that as he is a selfish asshole without a conscience.

So what he owns and runs a successful company. A man who doesn't apologise after hurting and lying to a woman is a prick that doesn't deserves any respect!! If I would to post all the messages and SMSes I still have with me (which he has a set as well), the world will see his true colors and know that everything I wrote about him so far was the truth. I'm tempted, very tempted in fact to air his dirty laundry out in the open, but I couldn't bring myself to do it because I'm not a bitch! I wish I'm to be honest because then I will do it. I will show the world with the proofs I have with me the real Peter Wittendorp!!

But I won't do it unless he does something intentionally bad and mean to me again such as hurling another accusation at me. If he does that one more time, he better be prepared for people to find out what a class A asshhole he is, how badly he treated me, the lies he fed me and how he misled me into trusting him and played with my feelings. Presently it is still my words against his and people will think I'm crazy for ranting and cursing about him non-stop. He can still keeps his image and maintain his reputation as long as there aren't any proofs. I will keep it this way as long as he doesn't drags me thru the mud again. 

But if Peter Wittendorp wants to drag me thru the mud again, I will make sure he is going down with me and I promise he won't be able to walk away cleanly. And for the record I'm not threatening him as I don't need to do so. This time around I won't allow him to walk all over me again!! All I ever wanted from him was his honesty and a forever friendship. I never asked him to fall in love with me and when he did, he should and loved me without hurting me. And when I walked away, he shouldn't had walked back in and brought all the drama to my doorsteps. I don't deserve the shit storm he puts me thru, but he and her definitely deserve it as they are legally together. I'm not. I don't benefit anything out of this lovership with Peter Wittendorp except heartbreak and heartache. Fuck him!!

And thanks to Peter Wittendorp, I'm becoming distrustful of men. I know it will affect my future relationship when I can't trust my future partner without a doubt. Asshole like Peter Wittendorp doesn't cares the damages he did to me emotionally and mentally. He has no balls to sincerely apologise for what he did to me and give me the truth about why he created such a massive web of lies and deceits just to cheat on his marriage with me????? Why Peter Wittendorp??? Why???

Peter Wittendorp, you are a real piece of work and a class A asshole prick!! And yes, tonight I feel like ranting and cursing him hence I'm writing this post! Don't care what people think of me. I'm writing my feeling and facts only. I'm entitled to write my views and my feelings that I experienced first hand. Even if people think I'm crazy, so be it!! I just want to let go of my negative feelings because he gave it to me!! Asshole!

Designers Clothing

I'm not a fan of designers clothing simply because I think it is a waste of money to pay a few thousand of ringgits to own a piece of clothing. I don't mind owning a few pieces for special occasion, but definitely not for my daily wear. I have many pieces of Herve Leger bandage dress, but I only wear it once or twice and some I haven't even wear it before. It just hang inside my closets and taking up precious spaces for my new clothes. Haha. I have Karen Millen as my work clothes, but I don't really like the cutting hence I have stopped wearing it.

Frankly, I'm not designers crazy when it comes to clothing. I'm ok to wear Zara as the designs are nice and I can change my wardrobe more often since it is less expensive to give away the old clothes 😀! I also don't think wearing expensive clothes will makes me more classy or appealing or enhance my image. Wearing expensive clothes only convey the message that I have money to splurge and I'm successful. It doesn't bring in more business or turns me into a Cinderella. Haha.

My favourite brand of all time is Bebe. It isn't expensive, but it is my style. I own a lot of dresses from this brand and a lot of it is still in the plastic bag as I bought faster than I get a chance to wear it 😂😂! And I couldn't unpack and hang because my built-in closets are filled to the brim. No more hanging space at all. Even the closet in my guest bedroom is being used by my brother hence I don't get to use it. I have 3 built-in closets in my own master bedroom and yet still insufficient 🙈😂!

My philosophy is simple when it comes to clothes.....it is me who wear the clothes and not the other way around. Meaning, as long as I'm confident in myself I can wear any clothes even if it isn't a designer brand and I will still look good and classy 😉! Since I'm bless with  a fairly nice body figure and a good height, I also look sexy without trying to hard. I'm not worry that I can't find any clothes that can fit me. I just have to worry if I have a chance to wear the clothes I bought or not 😂😛!

Oh well, I'm cutting down on my shopping as I have too many new clothes that I haven't have a chance to wear. Shopping isn't a hard job for me. Wearing it is a hard job. Haha. Also, I want to practice not wasting money just for the sake of buying because every year I gave away a lot of clothes which I don't mind. But then I feel I shouldn't be wasteful too. As I get older, shopping doesn't excites me as much as when I was younger hence I'm buying less nowadays. Which is a good thing for me. 

Remember don't overbuy! 

Update about Phil

Been chatting with Phil daily and so far it had been nice. I asked him a lot of questions and he answered all of it. He is funny and witty too. Chatting with him feels comfortable and easy. He is currently working in a law firm in HK as an accountant. He just joined this company 11 months ago. His 2 children live with him on alternate week.

He sent me a fairly recent photo of himself and he looks cute. He is cheeky too, but not a pervert. I told him I would love it if a man leaves little notes for me to find and he asked me what would I want my notes to say. I answered him if I have to tell my man what to write on the notes, then I need to strike him out! Hahahaha.

We flirted and teased each other and it is enjoyable. He loves dark chocolate. He doesn't workout, but he walk, run, sail and swim a lot. He said he used to have beer belly. but not anymore. Shall see for myself if we do get to meet up in HK end of October/early November.

He loves reading and he reads everything. One of the author of the book he is reading now, John Sanford, I own a few books from the same author.

Oh oh, I asked him to use 3 words to describe his perceptions of me. And guess what were the 3 words - lively, funny and direct 😂😂! My 3 words for him are  decent, cheeky and open. I wanted to use the word honest, but I don't know him well enough to say he is honest. I don't want to make the same mistake in thinking a person is honest without experiencing it consistently. So I shall observe for now if Phil is really honest and not just a feeling I get.

Too bad he doesn't lives in KL. Otherwise we will have met up by now. Oh well, not going to overthink. Just enjoying our chatting at this moment 😀!

p.s. Yes, I know his last name.