I know he hates it when I write about my feelings and posts it to the world for everyone to read, but since he never gives me his time to listen to what I have to say or openly talk about things, why should I care about what he thinks. I always get the statement "I don't want to talk about it" or "anyway"......and I couldn't ask further. I hate being cut off and left hanging not knowing the full picture. A lot of issues are not resolved, but rather swept under carpet and never to see the light again. It left me with a lot of guessing and uncertainties. I hate to guess and assume because it leads to unnecessary misunderstanding and conclusion. Hence I always like to ask questions to avoid assumption and misunderstanding. But he is the opposite. He likes to assume before he asks. He draws conclusion too fast and once he has made up his mind, he is set in his thinking and he will twists the fact to his advantage and made me the guilty one.
Anyway, I really don't care what he thinks anymore. I want to do what make me happy again. And writing about my feelings, about him, about everything and anything I fancy allow me to heal and move on. My life is an open book and if people want to judge me so be it. I'm not going to hide facts.
I know who are my true and genuine friends and I thought he was one......but I'm not sure now. Knowing him well, he will probably say and think the same of me.
I am so so tempted to make his accusation comes true since he enjoys accusing me and saying I'm a devious person. Not once, but twice. And he even said I threatened him!! Should I or shouldn't I?? It will be my words against his as I don't have anything to back me up. I know it is a destructive move, but his accusation is just like a knife permanently stab to my heart and I'm unable to pull the knife out! I'm feeling very hurt. He said he didn't mean to hurt me intentionally.......well he is a 50 year old man. He is supposed to be calmed and collected (opposite from me) and know me well....so he should had thought through his words before it left his mouth. So intentional or not.....only he knows for sure! How could he think that I'm such a devious person? How could he??? Seriously make me wonder the depth of his darkness. I will never ever be able to accuse someone I value without concrete proofs. Beyond reasonable doubt kinda proofs! He always told me proofs can be fabricated. So even if one day he shows me the proofs, how would I know it is not fabricated?
If he's the one being wrongly accused by me, he would have kicked up a storm and not let me get away with it. But he expects me to let him get away when he accused me!! Is this fair??? No right??
Anyway, I'm still sensible and although he hurts me.....I won't be revengeful and expose him because I'm not that type of person. I just like to vent, but I won't harm the man I still love. I know I'm stupid. For a woman of my professional caliber, he is my biggest weakness!!
That's why I need to walk away from him and cut him from my life. I'm giving him all the reasons to hate me......Why?? Because that is what he wants!! Or maybe I don't want to give myself the chance to forgive him and allow him to sweet talk his way back into my life. He liked to do that in the past. So maybe I'm doing this to protect myself from him!
Beside, I started blogging about 5 years ago and I stopped since last year because he didn't like me writing about us. Hence, I'm just picking back up where I left off. My life, my choice, my decision. Who knows, maybe 1 day I can turn it into a book. Hahaha!
Anyway, I really don't care what he thinks anymore. I want to do what make me happy again. And writing about my feelings, about him, about everything and anything I fancy allow me to heal and move on. My life is an open book and if people want to judge me so be it. I'm not going to hide facts.
I know who are my true and genuine friends and I thought he was one......but I'm not sure now. Knowing him well, he will probably say and think the same of me.
I am so so tempted to make his accusation comes true since he enjoys accusing me and saying I'm a devious person. Not once, but twice. And he even said I threatened him!! Should I or shouldn't I?? It will be my words against his as I don't have anything to back me up. I know it is a destructive move, but his accusation is just like a knife permanently stab to my heart and I'm unable to pull the knife out! I'm feeling very hurt. He said he didn't mean to hurt me intentionally.......well he is a 50 year old man. He is supposed to be calmed and collected (opposite from me) and know me well....so he should had thought through his words before it left his mouth. So intentional or not.....only he knows for sure! How could he think that I'm such a devious person? How could he??? Seriously make me wonder the depth of his darkness. I will never ever be able to accuse someone I value without concrete proofs. Beyond reasonable doubt kinda proofs! He always told me proofs can be fabricated. So even if one day he shows me the proofs, how would I know it is not fabricated?
If he's the one being wrongly accused by me, he would have kicked up a storm and not let me get away with it. But he expects me to let him get away when he accused me!! Is this fair??? No right??
Anyway, I'm still sensible and although he hurts me.....I won't be revengeful and expose him because I'm not that type of person. I just like to vent, but I won't harm the man I still love. I know I'm stupid. For a woman of my professional caliber, he is my biggest weakness!!
That's why I need to walk away from him and cut him from my life. I'm giving him all the reasons to hate me......Why?? Because that is what he wants!! Or maybe I don't want to give myself the chance to forgive him and allow him to sweet talk his way back into my life. He liked to do that in the past. So maybe I'm doing this to protect myself from him!
Beside, I started blogging about 5 years ago and I stopped since last year because he didn't like me writing about us. Hence, I'm just picking back up where I left off. My life, my choice, my decision. Who knows, maybe 1 day I can turn it into a book. Hahaha!
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