Healing nicely

Slowly but surely I'm getting over Peter. 3.5 months had passed and it was hard in the 1st month as I had to come to terms with the fact that he will never be in my life anymore and dealing with the hurt and pain he inflicted on my heart. It was not only mentally torturing, but also emotionally and physically as well. Every time I replayed our last conversation, it brought me to tears and I couldn't breath without experienced severe chest pain. It lasted for 2 weeks. I never told any of my best friends what I experienced until recently. I didn't even blog about this until tonight. I was glad that I had a job to keep me occupied in the daytime and at night I just stayed home as I didn't feel like socialising. I was a wreck in May and my friends commented that I looked like I had lost weight. I wasn't sure if I did or not as I didn't weighed myself. I just know that I couldn't retold what happened between us without tearing up and feeling the chest pain. I could still remember that on the last Sunday in May, I sent him a SMS to lash out at him as I was still very upset, sad and mad at him.  After I sent off the SMS I told myself I need to let him go and move on. I need to stop looking for answers because I will never get any answers. I need to learn to accept the fact that he will never apologise for what he said and did to me. And with that final SMS, I promised myself that I will not shed a tear for this person anymore. But I still missed him a lot. There were times I imagined he would text me out of the blue to apologise, but of course it never happened.

As I transitioned into the month of June, I could feel that my old self started to come back. I gained a lot of insight and clarity into my life and that helped in my healing. And also during this period, I began to open up and told a few of my best friends what happened between Peter & I, from A-Z including the internet harassment to his lying and accusation of me. It made me felt so much better after I was able to tell them my story and poured out my bottled up feelings and emotions. I was grateful to my best friends for lending me their ears, for not judging me and for reminding me again and again of  the core me. Their constant reminder helped me a lot. I re-examined my life, my past relationship with Peter (both lovership and friendship) and I realised that I was compromising a lot just to keep him in my life. He puts me thru hell and I called it love. Hahahahaha! That realisation was a slap in my own face!! And my wake up call. I have to admit that I truly did loved him more than I thought and wanted to admit. In the past, I always denied that fact that I loved him deeply even when he asked, I just said I loved him but I never told him how much because I didn't want to scare him away. But after the brouhaha and in order to heal myself, I decided to face all my feelings and emotions head on. No more hiding, denying and lying!! I couldn't ignore it if I want to heal hence facing it head on was the only option I had. That was also part of the reason why I decided to write about him & I.

It did crossed my mind to give him a pseudonym, but then I decided I didn't want to do that because he is a human being with a name and a face. Yes, he might think I wanted to shame him purposely or whatever negatives shit that he could conjured up in his mind about me, but I decided I had to do what was best for me and not him. And what was best for me was to write about our story openly and without hiding both our identities. Beside, it was necessary to regain control of my life especially from the internet harasser. I was and am prepared for being judged by people I know and don't know. To me, that was the only way I could let him go and moved on. I know it wasn't the best and wisest move, but it helped me to get over him and out of my system! So in June, I was on the road to recovery from my heartbreak.

And today is the last day of July and I can proudly said I'm healing nicely. How do I know? Oh well, I put myself thru some mental tests in the past few weeks, recalling all the harsh and mean words he said to me and it didn't made me sad, angry and upset anymore. I tried to force myself to write about him, both negatively and positively and I just didn't feel like doing it at all. As each day passed me by, I feel less and less of him. Yes, he is still lingering in my mind, but I could feel he isn't in my heart anymore.

In May, I was still longing for him to walk back into my life, but now I don't have such longing anymore. I tried to imagine what would I do or how would I react if he does indeed reach out to me 1 day a few years down the road and the truth is I might have forgotten him by then. Hahaha! Nah, I doubt I will forget him unless I have amnesia which could be a possibility as anything can happen.

I also know he isn't in my heart anymore because I don't miss him and I don't care what he thinks of me anymore. Not only that, I also don't care about his feelings which I used to care a lot in the past. All I care now is taking good care of myself, stay true to myself and continue to be ME without omitting any parts of me. I cease to care if he deviates from the core him. I'm not interested to have him in my life anymore nor me in his life!! His world is just not my cup of tea. Not only it is filled with dramas, but also lies and deceits. A blunt person like me will never be able to fit in as I will not tolerate being accused of something I didn't do! I can forgive and forget a lot, but not accusation! That was an insult and assault to my character and I wouldn't allow anyone to do that to me, especially him! To me, my dignity, self worth and self respect are more important than having him in my life even as a friend. With that realisation, I'm able to let him and whatever love feelings I still have for him go.

I'm happy to declare that I'm moving on nicely in my life. Tomorrow is August and it is my b'day month. Looking forward to celebrating with my girlfriend from NYC in Bali 😂😂

Although the healing took me 3.5 months, but it is definitely shorter than I thought. I never thought I would be able to stop loving him and get him out of my heart, but today it shows me I could. So the possibility of me forgetting who he is might not be impossible. Haha. Only time would tell. He once said to me he didn't want me to forget him. But I think now he will be glad that I forget him. I think he will do the same to me too, knowing how he thinks and acts. He isn't that hard to understand and I had experienced all aspects of him so I know and understand him deeper than he thinks. I just don't show it only.

I'm a rebel and I don't conform. And I'm daring and I don't give a fuck about other people view and opinion of me hence I always do what I want. I'm definitely not the typical women that are in his life or he met before. If he compares me to anyone he knows or presently in his life, he will never be able to understand me because I'm unique. Hahaha! He will never meet another interesting and exciting woman like me again. That's a fact!! Ok, enough self praising. Cheeky me kicks in!! 😛😛

Anyway, he doesn't concerns me anymore. So this is how I feel about him now. I'm very sure he will not lingers in my mind much longer. He might makes a cameo appearance in my mind from time to time, but it won't affect me emotionally and mentally anymore. He is just simply up there in my mind!

Nothing is Impossible!

Skydiver Survives Jump From 25,000 Feet, and Without a Parachute

Luke Aikins was the 1st person to attempt skydiving without a parachute or wingsuit!! Wow!! When I first read the heading before I read the article, I was like WTF!! Insanely ballsy!! Ordinary man, extraordinary achievement!!

I couldn't believe that someone would attempt something so insane and came out unscathed. Now, this is what I called Extreme Sport!! Haha. Phew.....I wondered what went thru his mind during the entire period to the moment he knew he had landed safely. If I would to guess I think he just focused his entire mental energy and concentration on landing safely. Don't think he could afford to let any slightest fear and worry to distract him from his ultimate goal of surviving the jump!

Reading his story inspired me. Seriously, nothing is impossible if we put our mind to do it. If we believe in ourselves and conquer our fear, we could achieve the greatest feat that we set out for ourselves. Focus, determination and perseverance are the keys to achieving the impossible. Never underestimate our own capabilities and abilities. Seriously, everything is possible if we dare to chase after our dream and goals! Of course we need to do proper planning and lots of practice too if we want to succeed. My hats off to Luke Aikins! It took a lot of mental strength to be able to do what he did!! Absolutely 200% insanity!! 😂

In life, we always have to give our dream and goals a shot before we give up. If we don't try, we already fail! And in my life motto, nothing is impossible!

If there is a will, there is  a way!! If you think you can, you can!!

Definition of HYPOCRITE!

A hypocrite preaches one thing, and does another.

The word hypocrite is rooted in the Greek word hypokrites, which means “stage actor, pretender, dissembler.” So think of a hypocrite as a person who pretends to be a certain way, but really acts and believes the total opposite. Hypocrites usually talk a big talk but fail to follow their own rules!!

Lies & excuses. Hypocrites have excuses for everything. You will find that they spend a lot more time excusing their behavior than ever actually improving it. Instead of apologizing or admitting fault, they simply ignore reality & argue with solid evidence when confronted with it. Survivors also often notice that psychopaths seem to enjoy the thrill of lying. Sometimes it seems they've planted evidence that actually allows you to catch them. They lie even when the truth would suffice. Why? Because duping others is what they do. It is the only highlight of their otherwise insufferably boring lives. (Pathological lying)​

Heart and Mind

Each day you are fading further away from my mind. I tried to recall the love I felt for you and it isn't there anymore. I tried to remember those silly conversations that we used to had on daily basis which never failed to put a smile on my face before, but now it didn't make me smile anymore. I wanted to hold on to those memories, but my mind just wouldn't cooperate. Maybe this is the sign that I'm finally letting you go from my mind and heart. Your existence isn't that important and precious to me anymore.

If tomorrow I will to get the news you are no longer on this planet, I might still feel sad and maybe a tinge of regret because of the way things ended so uglily between us especially when we both intentionally hurt each other to the point of no return. I might even shed a tear or two because I did loved you with all my heart and soul, but I won't miss you at all. In my mind and heart now, you are just a man with a heart of steel, a man who played with my heart and mind and a man that doesn't has the balls to apologise sincerely for hurting me.  I don't respect you anymore. In my eyes now, you are just a fake and your life is just a joke fills with lies, deceits and pretentiousness. The web of lies you created and told me were just too complicated for an honest and blunt person like me to comprehend. And I don't want to understand as it will taint my mind and heart!

But then I have to thank you too. Because of what you showed me about you and your life, I'm even more determined to be more open, honest and blunt with people around me. I will not be a fake like you and I will not be a hypocrite like you are!! Now I understand why you felt offended when I unintentionally called you a hypocrite. Simply because you are one!! But I didn't know that at that time and looking back now, I felt foolish for apologising and felt bad for calling you a hypocrite. Silly me! Only a guilty person will feel offended!

You were so right when you said you were not a gentleman. I didn't believe you back then, but now I couldn't agree more and finally I could see why you made such a disclaimer in the early stages because you had planned from the start to be a douchebag 😞.The red flags were there from the beginning, but I was too blinded by my feeling for you that I chose to ignore it. I tricked myself into believing that you were an honest, genuine good man who would never hurt me intentionally or lied to me. Liar was never a term associated with you until now. Do you know what was the hardest thing for me to accept ?? That you were a liar and you played with my feelings. You led me on and made me believed you loved me! You are really a piece of work Peter!! 

Anyway, I'm glad that we had this fallout because it allowed me to see the real you. The side of you that you hide from the world. Now in my mind and heart, you are a liar, a hypocrite, a fake and an ass. And I definitely don't fit in your world! Your world is full of bullshit....just like you! I wish I'm a super bitch because then I will post all your SMSes I still keep and let the world be the judge! And your photos too. 

Last but not least, please continue to think negatively of me. Is ok if you think you don't know me anymore because you don't!! I have changed. I became even more blunt, honest and open. I have nothing to fear except for not able to be the authentic me! I will openly express my thoughts about anything, everything, anyone and everyone. I will post whatever I like whenever I feel like it. My life, my choice and my decision!!

p.s. A sincere sorry from you was all I ever wanted. It would have made me heal faster. You just like to see me suffer!

Loving Ourselves Wholeheartedly

"We are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child. We get to decide for ourselves what is beautiful when it comes to our bodies. That decision is ours and ours alone. Let’s make that decision for ourselves and for the young women in this world who look to us as examples. Let’s make that decision consciously, outside of the tabloid noise. We don’t need to be married or mothers to be complete. We get to determine our own “happily ever after” for ourselves." - Jennifer Aniston   

Read her complete article Loving Ourselves Wholeheartedly

Is true that we women don't love ourselves enough and we always search love from other people, especially men. We feel that we are incomplete or unlovable if we don't have a man in our life and hence we do everything in our power to find and get ourselves a man. And after we get a man, we sacrifice ourselves, who we are, what we like, our goals and dreams to accommodate the man so that he will continue to love and stay with us. We put him on a pedestal to worship him. We make him the center of our universe. We tolerate, forgive and find excuses for his shitty behaviour and actions. We justify our tolerance by telling ourselves we love him. We trick our brain and convince ourselves that he will change for us once he sees how much we love him! We keep quiet and bite our tongues when we want to lash out at him. Instead we apologise to him when he doesn't even deserves it! We do everything to keep him happy so that he won't leave us. In the process of doing so, we lose ourselves and we forget to love ourselves as deeply and dearly as we love him.

Yes, we women are guilty of all the above and I'm no exception. Guilty as charge 😝! But not anymore. After my experienced with Peter Wittendorp I told myself I will not omit any pieces of myself to make a man stay in my life. I will not hold back my tongue just to make him feel good and comfortable. I will speak my mind and I will call an ace an ace! I will love myself wholeheartedly without needing a man to shower me with his love. If I'm lucky enough to meet a man who loves me, he has to loves me for me including the good, the bad and the ugly. Although I have more good traits for him to love than bad or ugly!! Hahaha!

Anyway, bottomline is we need to learn to love ourselves wholeheartedly before we look for a man to love us. We need to accept ourselves wholeheartedly and we need to carve our own happily ever after. A man in our life doesn't guarantee happiness. Sometimes it bring us unnecessary dramas and make our life miserable and unhappy! So always remember having a man in our life doesn't meaner life is complete.  Without one doesn't means we are incomplete. 

We just need to learn not to judge ourselves too harshly and learn to love ourselves wholeheartedly and our life will be more beautiful and colourful. REMEMBER THAT!!

Quit if work isn't enjoyable!

Yesterday I did something I would never do if it was 5 years ago. I told my client I withdraw my service to him and from the assignment. I had enough of his unreasonableness as well as trying to make me looked incompetent. The monetary gain isn't worth such an insult and assault to my intelligence, self respect and self worth. My life is too precious to be wasting my time and energy dealing with people who don't know how to be reasonable and respectful. He thinks he is right just because he is the client. I tolerated him for 5 months and I had enough of it. Done and over with!

I copied my Country Head in the email and also sent her messages to tell her to withdraw me from the assignment and I don't care if she wants to deduct or not pay me the commission as I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm not a rookie and I always did and gave my very best, but when a client gets too unreasonable and humiliating, I won't put up with it anymore. I'm at a stage in my life where I work for fun and not to stress myself out over a deal. It ain't worth it. Life isn't just about money and deals. Beside, I don't like to keep pretending that I'm happy to provide my services to the client when I'm not. I don't want to force myself to do something I don't enjoy doing. Period.

Am I worried of getting into trouble with my Country Head?? NO I don't. I'm prepared to resign from this corporate company as I don't see myself fitting in at all! As I get older, I'm getting more selective on the type of clients I want to provide my services too. I want to have the choice to choose who I want to work with and I want to be happy working. That's my bottomline!!

Anyway, I off my company's phone and shut down my laptop. I'm very sure there are many messages and emails from this client and my Country Head. I don't care. I have decided not to deal with it until I feel like I want to deal with it which is most likely tomorrow afternoon as I have meeting in the morning. I already told my Country Head from Day 1 before she hired me that money isn't my priority. I must enjoy my work and also able to learn new skills. But my present company is unable to provide to me those 2 things so I don't see a future in this company.

Oh well......is time to take another short sabbatical so that I can search for new challenges and opportunities that will invigorates and motivates me to reach for my giant goal! Wish me luck.....😀😀

Spooky

Ok, on 19th July I wrote that I received a lot of audiences from Singapore who checked out my blog thru iPhone in a very short time span. It is happening again! Just over the weekend, there were 253 page views from Singapore and all using iPhone. But the most spooky part was at any 1 time, the page views could went up to 60. It usually happened during the weekend and weekdays were quiet. Really spooky because I'm feeling like my blog is being monitored. Maybe I overthink. But there is a pattern here and I just couldn't help wondering whether was it 1 person action or a group of people. Every time I wrote about this, it would stopped for a few days without any audiences from Singapore and then it would picked up momentum aggressively. Even in the middle of the night such as 4am!!
Oh ya, it also happened to my the other blog on Wordpress. On the same day, I saw audiences from Singapore appeared on my blog in Wordpress. But the number wasn't as crazy as my post on the Blogger site. I don't think it is a coincident. I think someone is definitely checking out my blogs for a specific reason.

Anyway, my blog is open to anyone so not worry at all. Just very very curious why such an unusual pattern. What's the motive behind the action? And most of the time the page views were on posts related to Peter Wittendorp!! Is like someone just interested in posts written about him. Why?

Definitely a mystery and I will never know the answer. Haha

Ok night everyone!


Updated 25.7.16

Hmmm......no sign of aggressive audiences from Singapore today. I think my suspicious might be right! Anyway, find it really amusing. Hahaha

Updated 26.7.16

Ok.....I think I updated too quickly. Saw an influx of audiences from Singapore to both my blog address and again the same thing.....98% of the posts viewed were related to Peter Wittendorp!! Maybe just coincidence. But I don't believe in coincidence!! It really pique my curiosity now. Suspected it could be the work of 1 person or a group of people who has/have vested interest in Peter Wittendorp. My blog isn't dedicated to him. It contained posts about myself, about life, politics and etc so why only viewed posts I wrote about him. And only thru iPhone?? I don't think is Peter himself as I don't think he will be so crazy to read the same posts over and over and over again. Beside, I don't think he knows about this blog as I had changed the name of the blog 2x.

Oh well.....even if is he, don't care. Will update again tomorrow and my money is that there will be no audiences from Singapore. I shall see.....haha

Updated 27.7.16

Yes, appeared again.

Updated 31.7.16

Still showed up, but much less page views. I'm really beginning to think my blog is being monitored. Don't know why and to be honest I don't care. I'm just curious. That's all!

Month of August

There was one day this week my blog logged a lot of viewers from Singapore and same thing as before, majority of the posts read were related to Peter Wittendorp. Is really weird and spooky. I really couldn't figure out why. Anyway, my blog is open to public so anyone can read anything. Just mainly curious.

Politic and Corruption

I never like to read any news related to politics therefore I'm not familiar with my country politicians name and face. I always feel and think that as long as the country is peaceful and I get to earn a living I'm not going to be bothered by the crazy world of politics. But very unfortunate, in the past 2 years my country was thrust into the limelight and today Malaysia took the centerstage and made front page news around the world for having a very very corrupted man whom the US Justice of Department referred to "Malaysia Official 1", whom we locally nicknamed Jibbygor. 

This person siphoned off my country taxpayers money and lined not only his own pockets but also of his cohorts. It was daylight robbery and to make matter worst he and his gang of thieves spewed out explanations that any person with brain will never believe at all!! The excuses were just absurd and made my country a laughing stock around the world. But this wasn't the worst, the worst was the independent authorities such AG and Anti-Corruption departments are staffed with this person supporters hence this person was found not guilty even though there was an obscene sum of money found in his private account. He claimed it was a donation by a particular sovereign country in the Middle East!!! Really?? Wow! Speechless. Salute them for able to come up with such a far fetched and yet sounded plausible explanation!! Bravo to have this person running the country.....running it to the ground and along the way this person became the most famous person in the world!! He made Malaysia infamous as we are constantly being featured in the World News! Brought shame to the country and its citizens but yet he and his group of daylight official robbers could still carry on life as usual. Unbelievable!

Waiting to see what other absurd excuses Jibbygor are going to spew out and also all the dramas his cohorts are orchestrating to distract Malaysians from the ongoing US investigation.

I am ashamed to have such a leader leading my country. If he doesn't steps down soon, he will run the country into deep dark black hole. The corruption and the scandal are just getting out of control and more ridiculous. Sigh.

Money and power are the root of all evils!!

Live to work

Had 2.5 hours morning breakfast with my Country Head on Monday (18.7.16) to discuss about my future in the company. I told her I'm not sure if I can last long in the company as the rigid company structure is really not my cup of tea and I don't find the fun in working in the company. I don't like reporting and I don't like the pressure. At this stage of my life, I want to work for pleasure and not pressure. I don't want to climb up the corporate ladder (not that I'm not capable and qualify). I just want to enjoy my work without having to concern myself about achieving my target and etc. I want freedom. I live to work NOT work to live. Most people will worry if they still have a job, I don't.

I told my Country Head that I feel like I have to prove myself all over again in this company and I don't like that. And most important I don't want to suck up to my clients when I don't want to. I want to be able to choose my clients and if I work in this company I don't have the freedom and flexibility. She understood and she tried her best to convince me to continue to stay for the balance of 18 months. She said she needed me to help her to grow the company. I told her to give me until August and I will give her my final decision. I told her I need to sort out my own thoughts and find my own goal. I will give her my final decision after my birthday in August.

Frankly, if possible I would want to quit my job now as this job isn't for me. I don't enjoy reporting and I hate the bureaucratic and rigid corporate structure. I find it suffocating. I don't like to play by the rules and the office politics. Maybe when I was younger and before I had a taste of being my own boss and responsible for my own decision making, I would think climbing the corporate ladder and being a CEO of a company was the best thing in the world. But not now anymore. I find people who work in such an environment are usually very conscious about their reputation and wearing a mask - a public persona and a private persona are 2 different people. Just like Peter. I can't be that type of person. I work hard to behave the same publicly and privately and I don't want to hide any part of me to please people.

And I might have to do that in the office as someone commented to my Country Head that I came across as negative when I vented my frustrations on a client. She told me try not to vent in the open office and if I need to, goes to her and let it out. Hahaha! When I heard that I was like....seriously!! Venting frustration = negative!! It is hilarious to even hear that remark as everyone who knows me will confirm that I'm the most positive person they have ever met. Even Peter said that to me all the time and it was 1 of the thing he loved about me....my positiveness!! So to be told that I appeared negative because I vented my frustrations, I wasn't only feeling dumbfounded but also hilarious 😂

😂!!

See, I also have to give up my freedom of speech and expression!! Ridiculous! She told that I'm too noticeable whether I want it or not. People will just pay more notice to me from what I wear to what i say and do. Can't help it she said especially with my blonde color hair and outgoing nature couple with my directness.

Anyway, bottomline is I don't need this job so not going to concern myself with the comments. I might not have the same financial stability as I used to have 3.5 years ago, but I still have enough for me to choose what I want to do and who I want or don't want to work for. This is the type of freedom I have and I'm not afraid to choose. I'm truly lucky that I LIVE TO WORK and not WORK TO LIVE!

Charlie Puth's songs - remind me of Peter

I enjoy Charlie Puth's songs especially One Call Away. Don't know why but every time I heard this song and the word Superman I was reminded of Peter. He definitely doesn't looks like Superman or behave like one, but somehow he just came to mind when I heard that. I know I'm weird. Haha. And beside this song doesn't apply to him as he isn't one call away for me at all! I think the song to describe our situation now is We Don't Talk Anymore, sang by Puth and Selena Gomez. I heard it for the 1st time today and another good song too.

I enjoy Charlie Puth songs because the songs were meaningful and yet relaxing. I always feel upbeat listening to his songs even though the lyrics were kinda sad sometimes. Marvin Gaye, him singing with Megan Trainor was also a nice song. All these songs were from his album Nine Track Mind.

Apple Music makes it so much more easy and cheaper to listen and download songs. Happy to pay subscription for it. I know his favourite songs but since I said I won't write anything more about him, I will do my best to keep my promise.

Ok, have to get back to work. 

Random thoughts

Not in the writing mood during the past few days. Just wanted to rest my brain and focus on things that needed my immediate attention. A few issues to tidy up and resolve especially pertaining to the sale of my restaurant and also the sale/rent of my various properties. These are the issues I have to settle in order to ease my financial burdens. Hopefully, by end of this month I will be in a better position than presently. Have to stay and keep thinking positively.

Also, not in the mood to write about Peter Wittendorp anymore. I thought of him less and less as each day passed by. Don't miss him anymore and I think I might have stopped loving him too. I was trying to replay some of the good and bad memories in my mind for the last few days and it didn't stir up any emotions and feelings in me anymore. I think I have accepted the fact that I will never receive the apology that he owes me for his baseless accusation. He never apologised 3 months ago when he had a chance to do so, he definitely won't apologise now. I will never look at him in the same light as before. Anyway, I doubt I will write another post about him unless I'm being provoke. Haha. If not, the chapter of him in my life journey is closed permanently. He isn't worth my time, attention and energy anymore. I used to feel lucky to be loved by him, but now not anymore. Oh well, not dwelling and dragging up the past anymore. I think my readers are getting tired of reading the same old story. Haha.

Talking about my readers, I'm getting a lot of visitors from Singapore lately. Just 2 nights ago, 71 page views in 1 hour and then another 23 at 3am! And using iPhone all the time. Really weird
because most of the posts were related to Peter. I'm feeling like being monitored or stalked 🤔😱! Maybe it was just new readers from Singapore. Don't know for sure. Just guesswork.

Not bother by it. Just curious by the action. It is definitely an action of a particular person or a gang of people. Anyway, the moment I decided to announce his identity in my posts, I already know that 1 day he or someone related to him will stumbles across my blog and I'm cool with my decision. Whatever he feels and thinks doesn't concerns me anymore. He is irrelevant therefore his views aren't important to me at all. I had a past with him although he will deny it and downplay that fact, is ok. As long as I know it was a fact, that's enough. If he still wants to continue to lie and live a life of denial, deceits and lies, it is strictly his choice and decision. Doesn't concerns me. I only care about being the person I want to be and if people don't agree or like, too bad for them. Won't change for anyone. Haha.

Ok.....that's all for this post. Need to sleep. Goodnite world, goodnite everyone!

Nightmare in Nice, France

Just read the news about the attacked in Nice, France. Another 84 innocent people killed and 100 more injured. And some are still missing. What has the world turned into? A crazy place. I really can't figure out what do the terrorists gain by carrying out all these attacks. It is so inhumane to kill innocent people. It is just beyond my comprehension. I can't help wondering what was going thru the mind of the attacker when he drove the truck into the crowd and heard the screams of all those innocent people and saw the terror in their face and eyes?

Seriously senseless. The world is becoming a scary place to live. We are always a target especially in a world full of hatred and not enough compassion. I couldn't imagine the fear and helplessness that went thru the mind of the victims as they ran for safety to save their life.

A min ago they had just finished watching the beautiful fireworks, enjoying and celebrating the joyous and festive night with family and friends and the next minute they were running for their life and witnessed a nightmarish massacre by a man who used God as an excuse to commit a heinous act. Sometimes no matter how vigilant we are, we would still be unable to detect a monster like the attacker because he was just like all of us, living his own life and going about his own business until he was ready to strike and caused a mayhem!

Beauty and ugliness live side by side and with a blink of our eyes our life could be changed forever. The story of our life could be rewrote without notice and beyond our control  😔.      
We could be robbed off our happiness and replaced with immense sadness without warning.

We should really practice more compassion and kindness instead of hatred and selfishness. My heart goes out to France, the victims family and love ones, the witnesses, the bystanders and anyone who were there when this hideous attacked happened.

3 attacked in 18 months.....scary, worrisome, crazy and nightmarish! Really can't imagine the feeling of the French people now. I think tourists will be worried and cautious too. Won't stop us from visiting or going to France, but definitely will make us more alert and cautious when traveling around France.

Anyway, my heart goes out to all the innocent victims especially children.

Peter Wittendorp confession on 17.1.12

17.1.12 (1am) - Crazy, crazy night with Peter. We spoke on the phone for 1.5 hours and in this duration he told me a lot of things that he never did before. We have known each other for 6 years now and never before he was so open and revealing with me. At first he told me I'm one of the hottest woman he has met, but then he changed it to I'm the hottest woman he has ever met. When I heard that, I asked him why he finds me hot?? IS it related to my butts? He said no, it is the overall package. He said I have a great personality, fun, witty, crazy, smart, successful, independent, great ass and body :-)!!! Hahahahahahaha!!! It was the entire package!! And his next comment caught me by surprised because it was totally unexpected!! I never knew he thought of me in that way at all!! So what did he said to me?? He said, "You are a perfect companion for me. You are compatible to me. I wished i met you earlier. I really, really, really, really want you next to me now!! I want you in HK. How come u aren't in HK. U promised u'll be here!!!"

When I heard his statements, I felt flattered, great and on cloud 9. It was so unexpected and I wasn't prepared for his confessions. If he had told me all the above 5-6 years ago when we first met, I would had reacted more greatly and spent my time dwelling on his statements, thinking of ways to get him to be mine permanently. But now, I just cherish his confessions, his desires and his wants for me 😍!!!! When it comes from him, a man I like him, his confessions and praises for me were more meaningful but as he has desires me for 6 years now. What an honour 😉 !!! It boosted my confident and elevated my happiness tremendously 😃.

We spent 1.5 hours chatting about everything and anything. He repeated more than 10x he wanted me in HK and next to him. He tried to make me feel guilty for not turning up by saying that I promised him I was going to be there :-)!!! I know he was drunk, but I didn't think he was that drunk because he's a pretty good drinker. But then again some friends told me not to believe a drunken man words because there are no truth to it. Merely bullshit only .......men +  beer = bullshit 😂😂😂😂😂😂!

Personally I do believe because I do tell the truth when I'm intoxicated. I feel more brave and carefree when I'm high. Most of the things I spoke when I was intoxicated were related to men. I would be more open with a man about my feelings and interests in him after drinking because if it didn't turn out well, I can always blame it on alcohol 😆!! A great excuse to use 😂😂 . Save me from embarrassment and avoid awkwardness between me and the man.

So speaking from experienced, I do believed what Peter told me that night was true to a certain degree  because he didn't have to sweet talk me to be with him as he knows how I feel about him. He confessed because he meant it. I was glad he told me his true feelings even though we are just very good friends. If only our timing were better. Oh well, life isn't perfect and I can't have it all so I'm going to take whatever I can as it comes my way.

Whatever happens I will always have this post to remind me of Peter's confessions even after 10,20 or 30years.

Chatting and Texting with Peter Wittendorp

On monday (7 June 2010), I spent 1.5 hours texting him and another 30mins chatting with him over the phone. He was in China for business. As usual, we flirted and teased each other. But we also talked about work as well. You see, with Peter, I could switched from sex to work to personal topics and we would still have a lot to talk about. I enjoy his friendship a lot.  Although I don't get to see him as often as I want and sometimes we don't even talk for a month or two or even up to 1 year, but yet we are always comfortable with each other.

I asked him when is he heading to KL and he said he will try to find some time soon. Not sure when, but when he knows he is coming he will definitely gives me enough notice to make sure I'm around town. But in case he has to come to KL and I'm not around, then too bad. Me and him, we have a very good understanding. If I'm in town, we will meet up. If not, then next time.

It took me 4 years of knowing him and 2 fall outs before we became so comfortable with each other  After each fall out, I thought we wouldn't keep in touch anymore as we didn't talk to each for a period of time (9 months to 1 year), but after the cool off period we were back to talking term and resumed where we last left off. That's the beauty of our friendship......we never miss a beat and we never feel awkward around each other.

I have to confess, before the fall outs I wasn't so open and direct with him, but after those incidents we have a very clear understanding. Life is funny and full of surprises. Sometimes when I want something badly, I never get it. But when I let go and move on, unexpected things will happen ;-)!! So now, I'm doing my best to let go and put aside things that are not important to me and concentrate on things that I have control and bring me tremendous fulfillment in my life, such as my business.

After all, men come and go so why should I get so upset and hung up about their presence in my life. And I'm very sure I will be able to find a real man who will loves and accepts me for who I am. Until that day comes, I will just have to love myself double!!! 😀😘

Anyway, I do hope to see Peter in KL soon!!

Naughty = Alive

If next time someone says to you that you are naughty, remember to say thank you in return. Why?? Because it means you are living your life the way you want and not binded by customs and traditions. Naughty means disobedient or mischievous. And those people who are being called naughty are usually those who do things their own way and not what the rules dictate them to do. Because they dare to do it, they are experiencing and enjoying life. And when you are enjoying life, you will feel very much alive because you don't know what the next day bring you. Even if you do, you might attempt the same routine from a different angle because you don't conform to the norm practice. And when you find a new way to spice up your daily routine you will be very happy and excited. When that happens, you become a happier person.

Alive doesn't mean you exist in this world physically only. It mean you live life to the fullest without regret and do what you want to do without worrying too much about what people think or say about you. Alive = full of energy and spirit; lively and also having the quality of life; vivid; vibrant.

So being called naughty is a great thing because it means you are alive and having a blast with your life. To act mischievous you need load of energy and spirit so when you do this you are actually very alive ;-)!!! Therefore, it is important to be naughty whenever you can do so because it will make your life more lively, colorful and interesting :-)!!! I know mine is so I love to be called naughty because then I know I'm being mischievous and the thought of it never fail to put a grin on my face. And I think when I'm acting naughty, the people around me will benefit too because my mischievousness make them laugh a lot. Or conjure crazy, sexy or horny images in their mind, which I know will definitely put a silly grin on their face when they picture me in their brain. I know for sure because I have been told so by some close friends. Haha!!

Anyway, this is just purely my own opinion. And I'm definitely practicing what I'm writing down. Lead by example. Heehee!!

Ok sleeping time. Need to do site visit again tomorrow morning. Ciao!

Commencement Address - Steve Jobs & Carly Fiorina

I just read 2 Commencement Address posted by a friend on FB. One was by Steve Jobs and the other one was by Carly Fiorina. After reading what they had to said and shared, I noticed that great leaders like them never allow the outside opinions' to shape and influence their life. They define and live their life the way they like and deem fit. They stay true to themselves. They never gave up when failures hit them in the head or face. They just picked themselves up and moved on to the next phase of their life. They have a passion for their work and they challenged themselves to find the next " It " job that will bring and give them the same passion like the last one they had. They never settle until they found what they love. Keep looking and searching and the light is at the end of the dark tunnel waiting for us.

I like the following statements by them:

Most people will judge you by what they see on the outside. Only you and God will know what's on the inside. But at the end of your life, if people ask you what your greatest accomplishment was, my guess is, it will be something that happened inside you, that no one else ever saw, something that had nothing to do with outside success, and everything to do with how you decide to live in the world

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. 

After reading their commencement address, I realized that even though I'm living the life I want it is still not at 100% optimum level yet, especially when it comes to my personal life. I should be more bold and vocal about my wants, needs and desires!

Anyway, Jobs & Fiorina speeches have helped to reinforce in me again that I should live my life the way I want and ignore those external noises and perceptions because my time in this earth is limited so I don't want to live someone's else life, but mine!!

Hope you guys are doing the same.

What Makes a Great CEO?

1. Always do the right thing regardless of sentiment and never compromise your core values. If you cannot build trust and engender confidence with your stakeholders you cannot succeed. No amount of talent can overcome illegal, immoral or otherwise ill-advised actions.

2. Excellent Decision Making Skills/ Decisiveness: As a CEO you will live or die by the quality of the decisions you make. These decisions are like the ship's mast, every bit that you do steers the ship in a certain direction. He/she must also know when to back down and be able to accept it when he realises its a mistake.

3. If you cannot focus you cannot perform at the level necessary to remain in the C-suite for very long. The ability to do nothing more than understand, and lock-onto priorities will place you in the top 10% of all executives.

4. Inexperience, a lack of maturity, needing to be the center of attention, not recognizing limitations, a lack of judgment, an inferior knowledge base, or any number of other common mistakes made by rookie CEOs can cause your house of cards to fall. If you don’t have the experience personally, hire it, contract it, but by all means acquire it. Great CEOs surround themselves with tier-one talent and the best advisors money can buy. They don’t make uniformed or ill-advised decisions in a vacuum.

5. Great CEOs possess a strong presence and bearing. They are unflappable individuals that never let you see them sweat (unless of course it serves a purpose). Everything from how they carry themselves to how they speak and dress messages that they are in charge.

6. Great CEOs have a strong bias to action. They don’t rest upon past accomplishments and are always seeking to improve through change and innovation. In today’s fast paced and competitive environment those CEOs who don’t openly embrace change will often be shown the door prior to the expiration of their initial employment contract.

7. Great CEOs understand branding at every level. They seek to build not only a dominant corporate brand, but also a strong personal brand. CEOs that are not well branded on a personal basis, or who let their corporate brand fall into decline will not survive.

8. Great CEOs have a boundless amount of energy. They are positive in their outlook, and their attitude is contagious. A low energy CEO is not motivating, convincing or credible.

9. Great CEOs have a deep understanding of the business and a strong orientation toward profit. Great CEOs possess what often appears to be a sixth sense or an almost instinctive feel for what the company needs to do to make money and remain competitive.

10. Great CEOs have a nose for talent…They understand how to recruit, develop and deploy talent while focusing on applying the best talent to the best opportunities. They also know when it’s time to make changes and cut losses as needed.

11. Great CEOs know how to engender trust, know when and how to share information, and are expert listeners. They develop strong and positive corporate cultures driven to performance by aligned motivations. They can quickly diagnose whether the organization is performing at full potential, delivering on commitments, and whether the company is changing and growing versus just operating.

12. Great CEOs possess a powerful motivation to increase their knowledge base and to convert their learning into actionable initiatives. They question, challenge, confront and are never accepting of the status quo.

13. Great CEOs are also great thinkers both at the strategic and tactical level. They are quick on their feet and know how to get to the root of an issue faster than anyone else.

14. Regardless of the geographical boundaries of the current business model great CEOs think globally. Limited thinking results in limited results. Whether global thinking is applied to capital formation, supply-chain issues, business development, strategic partnering, distribution, or any number of other areas, those CEOs who don’t grasp the importance of thinking globally will not endure. Great CEOs are externally oriented, hungry for knowledge of the world and adept at connecting developments and spotting patterns.

15. Great CEOs refuse to lose…They have an insatiable appetite for accomplishment and results and while they may reengineer or change direction they will never lose sight of the end game.

16. The decisions and strategy of a CEO will only be as effective if they have the implementation and monitoring skills to execute ideas and follow through. The great CEOs will only recruit managers that has proven themselves time and again in seeing through a project or transmitting a vision into reality effectively.

17. Too many CEOs end up just managing their companies in the same pond. Great CEOs will always be aware of the need to move up to the next level. Always be concerned about your business model and platform of activities, building initiatives or recruiting talent to scale up the business.

18. Too many CEOs are just intent on finding ways to reward themselves. A great CEO will devise ways to reward performers in a big way. Loyalty can only go so far. To build great companies, you need a core team that is well rewarded to see through the long term vision, and be paid well in the process. You cannot build value into the company when talent keeps going out the door - there has to be continuity.

19: You need to have a fair and strong board of directors and not staffed by cronies. You can have a great CEO but he/she will not be effective if the BoD gets in the way. The BoD is there to oversee not micro manage. Just as a great CEO will be able to empower talented employees to achieve greater heights, so too the BoD must empower the CEO to do his/her job.

20. Great CEOs are prepared to create their own luck by cultivating an ability to see opportunities for their company and to make the deals that convert those opportunities into realities. Some things that may seem like amazing foresight are actually the result of the hard work and discipline it takes to constantly look forward to build a successful company. Great CEOs must also constantly develop new products to build and retain a customer base. Foresight is also the ability to hire and retain the right people, looking ahead toward the growth of the company.

Self Awareness

Yesterday, I read an article on self awareness. To be a great leader, one must have self awareness of his/her strengths and weaknesses. One must also be opened to listen to feedback and comments from the people he/she works with, irregardless if they are colleagues, subordinates or bosses.

The article struck a chord in me because I have been doing what was mentioned in the article for the last few years. I never failed to ask people I met for the 1st time what were their perception of me. I always like to know what type of image I projected to those people who met me for the 1st time. I didn't do that to seek compliments, but instead to help me understand myself better and the image I projected to strangers who don't know me at all. Their feedback will be more genuine and accurate as they don't have to worry about hurting my feelings if they said something I don't like to hear 😃!! Basically, they have nothing to lose if they tell me the truth unless they want something from me. But most of the people I met didn't have any ulterior motives because I'm neither rich or famous or have something valuable to offer so I am of no value to them even if they piled me with compliments. HeHe!!

Aside from the 1st timer, I also asked people I know for a long time, such as friends, business associates, ex-bosses, family and relatives. These people have either known me since I was borne or my childhood friends or friends I met during my working life or business associates I met when I first joined the real estate business or ex-bosses I have worked with directly for a few years. All the people in this group have played a role and a part in my life, some more, some less, some directly, some indirectly. But no matter how much were their contributions, they did or still does helped in shaping me into who I am today. I am deeply grateful and thankful to them for willing to share their thoughts, opinions and views about me honestly and openly. Without their valuable inputs, I might not turned out the person I am today. Over the last 10years, I have changed a lot and the most in my entire life. 2 persons in this group were my mentors. They have guided me a lot in my career and have also opened up my eyes to the opportunities that lies beyond my own little backyard. They showed me that my world need not be just so small or just a corner, but instead it can be as big and huge as I want to be if only I dare to draw and carve the boundary myself.

They made me looked deep inside myself, my strengths and weaknesses so that I can better understand myself, my wants, my desires and my needs. They told me that I can only succeed if I have self awareness of who I am inside me. I took their words to heart and constantly take time out to reflect about my past actions, modify my present actions and plan my future actions.

I also learned from my parents. From  my dad, I learned the good and bad. My dad most admirable traits are his very positive thinking and never gave up attitude. No matter how many times he failed in his business ventures or how badly he fell from the epitome of his career, he always climbed back up. He never allows negativity to take him down for long. His fighting spirit keeps him going and stays optimistic about life 😃!

So you see, my positive vibes were influenced by my dad. Hehehe! But then, my dad positive nature is also his biggest weakness because sometimes he choose to ignore all the negative signals as he doesn't believes that things can actually goes wrong. He nevers have a plan B because he thinks plan A will not fail. And when it did, he was left in a limbo.  When this happened, I have to step in to rescue him and I have done it numerous times until I'm fed up with him already. I told him I will not bailed him out anymore so he better have plan B and don't be so optimistic until he is oblivion to the negative signals that are all around him. I would say my dad lacks self awareness of his own capabilities and abilities. Knowing your strengths, weaknesses and limitations are key ingredients to being successful in life. And my dad just doesn't has it. So sad as he is a smart and creative man. If only he learned from his past failures and listened to his daughter, me, he might be a worry-free man, unlike now. Anyway, he is my dad. No matter what he did or does, I will still love him even though sometimes I feel like strangling him 😃! Haha

From my mum - I learned not to be like her. My mum doesn't have any admirable traits for me to adopt. The only thing I could adopt is not to be like her at all. I want to be the total opposite of her. My mum isn't a bad person. Is just that she doesn't knows how to be a role model mum only. I have accepted this fact long time ago and I still love her because she is my mum. Just that my tolerance for her misbehavior is lesser than my tolerance for my dad!! I'm more a daddy's girl than a mummy's girl!! Hahaha!

As for my friends, they told me honestly and directly in my face if they think I act up or my attitude stinks. They never cut me any slack when it comes to bashing me for my shitty behaviors. They set me straight and couldn't care less if they hurt my feelings with their honest thoughts and comments. They give my their view and opinion as raw as it can get. They are there to remind me not to be a jackass when I unconsciously turn into one. Wakakakaka!! I am a better person because of my friends 😉.

And lastly, I asked my staffs what they think of me and listened to their feedback and comments with open mind. I know that to be a good boss and leader, I need to set and lead by examples.And because I had worked under bosses before, therefore, I could draw examples of what I likes and dislikes in a boss so that I don't repeat the same mistakes committed by my ex-bosses. I tried my best to be a good boss and leader using the strengths, weaknesses and limitations I possess and I hope I have done a good job. I review them and they also review me. Seeing that they are still working with me, I would say I am doing quite a good job 😉!! Can't avoid complimenting myself. Haha

Self-awareness is not only important to help me to become a good leader and boss, but it is also very important to me to become a better human being. Without having self-awareness of myself, I wouldn't know what I need to do to improve or what to change or what not to do so that I can be a better human being. And before I can expect anyone to understand me, I need to understand myself first. That's why I like to take time out to go away and be alone because this is the time I can think and reflect back without any interruption. I'm so happy that at this time next week I will be in Koh Samui and enjoying a good break from my busy and hectic life 😉.

Viva Life!!!

22.01.10 - 2nd post about Peter (continue)

Reading back these old posts brought back memories I had forgotten. That's why I enjoy writing. More old posts to be posted as part of my blog migration process.

.......................................................................................................................

He emailed me to ask if I was in town as he was due to be in KL in the next few days as he wanted to see me. I told him yes and he was ecstatic. He got in a few days later and I received his sms when I was rushing out for an appointment with a client. In his message he said he couldn't meet me as he had a dinner meeting so not sure what time he finished. I replied back and said ok, next time then. I was extremely busy on that day with 3 back to back appointments plus a dinner date with my dad. By the time I finished dinner and drove home, it was already nearly 10pm. I was extremely exhausted and all I wanted to do was sleep early. I took a nice hot shower and washed my hair. As I stepped out from my bathroom, an sms came in. And it was from him. How come I remember so well ;-)?? Because it was the night where I dragged myself out of the house at 11.30pm to see and hangout with him. Haha!!

Where was I?? Oh yea, sms from him. He asked me where was I and I said home. He said home so early?? I said yea....tired as I had a long day. Then he asked me to go out for drinks with him. I answered back "I thought you don't have time to see me". He said he told me so because he wasn't sure when he was going to finish and now that he was done, he wanted to see me. I told him no, I'm tired and I have a few meetings tomorrow. If he wanted to talk to me, then he can call me. He did and immediately he begged me to go out when I answered the phone. I told him it was late and by the time I reached his hotel, picked him up and headed to my favourite club it will be nearly 1 am. And the place closed at 2am so all in all we only get to spend 1 hour together, what was the point. He said it doesn't matter as long as he gets to see me. He pleaded with me until I said yes :-)!! I warned him that I would dressed casually as I was really tired. He said no problem because he said I looked good no matter what I wore. Mmmmmmmmmmm, scored points again!!! Muhahahahaha!!!!

I wore a pair of white skinny jeans and a white lace crossed back shirt and my hair was still wet as I didn't had time to blow dry it. I drove to his hotel and called him when I was on my way. When I reached he was already waiting for me at the lobby. He was in a simple black polo t-shirt and jeans. Looked tantalizing :-)!! He hopped into my car and off we went to my favourite club, Zeta Bar at KL Hilton. We reached there around 1am. The band was playing but wasn't good at all. We ordered our drinks and listened to the band played. They were really bad and we couldn't stopped complaining. But it was ok because we weren't there for the band, but to spend time with each other. It was really nice to smell his cologne and had him nuzzled my neck and his arms around my slim waist ;-)!!! His chest is wide so when I leaned on him it was really comfortable. He turned me around and gave me a hot and passionate french kiss!! I don't know how to describe, but I really love to be embraced by him. I love feeling his strong arms around me. Safe and comfortable.

He knew I was tired so around 2ish in the morning he took my hand and left the place. I had troubled keeping my eyes opened and he was really caring as he gently massaged my neck. Thinking about it now puts a big :-) on my face!!! Anyway, I sent him back to his hotel and before he got down from my car he gave me a nice long kissed. Although we only kissed, but both of us had a great night out as we enjoyed each other company. That's one of the many reasons why I like him :-)!!

22.01.10 - My 1st post about Peter

I have known Peter for about 4 years now. The first time we met was at a construction site. I met him through business. He was a client as the company he worked for was looking to buy a commercial office building in KL and I was trying to sell him the property :-)!! When I first saw him, I was like wow!!! In a good way yea...hehe!

His colleague did the introduction and the handshakes went around with the exchanged of name cards. After the formality, we sat down on the meeting table and the owner started the presentation. His colleague seated in between us and thank god because it took a lot of my self-control to not misbehaved!!! Hahaha!! I stole glances at him, checking him out from head to toe to his cuff links. Simple and tasteful. After the presentation, we went over to the construction site and walked up the uneven staircases to checkout the floors. No lifts because the building was still under construction so I have to climb the stairs in my heels. Yup, I was wearing heels and a dress on that day. Why?? Because I'm crazy :-)!!!!

Frankly, I couldn't remember that I was wearing a dress until he reminded me when we talked about that particular day later into our fling. In fact, he told me he can still see me vividly in his mind even today. To be precise, he could see my sexy butts through the dress I had on! I told him my dress wasn't sheer so he shouldn't be able to see my butts at all. He said 'oh no baby, you are wrong.' He told me he could see very clearly because when I walked down the stairs and out of the building, he was right behind me and with the aid of the sunlight he saw thru my dress. He told me that when he saw that, he wanted to grab me and fuck me there and then :-)!!! He only told me this about a year back when we reminisced about how long we have known each other, where we met and what was his first impression of me.

He told me his 1st impression of me was sexy, hot, naughty, smart and professional. I asked him why naughty when I was very well behaved on that day. He agreed I was well behaved, but he said because of what he saw on that day he couldn't helped thinking I'm a naughty woman! Muahahaha Crazy and unbelievable!! And he always teased me about that 'faithful' day whenever he sees me. Or he will texts me and asked me what I'm wearing on that day down to my bra and panties so that he could pictured me in his mind and stripped me naked! See what I have to put up with. Haha.....ok, ok, I admit I enjoy him tremendously, whether he is here physically or his sms or emails. He always managed to cheer me up and he can relates to my problems in work because we are in the same industry. He buys properties and I sell them. Don't need to explain why I'm stress or piss off as he knows for he goes thru the same thing as me as well. Don't think that buying properties are easy because it is not. Involves a lot of process from start to finish.

Anyway, our fling only started about 2 years ago and since I don't see him very often, our time together were usually fun, exciting, hot and passionate. He is a gentleman I would say even though he looks very much like a very naughty, naughty man. He also gave very good massage. Excellent fingers :-)!  And he is one of the few men who can persuades me to drag my tired cute butts out of my house at 11.30pm on a working day😝 ! Will tell more in my next post.

I like him because he likes me when I was not as delicious as now. Hehe!! Honestly, although I have always been sexy and hot, but 4 years ago I wasn't as good as now. I definitely love my body much, much more now because I'm more toned and fit. But to him, I was hot and sexy 4 years ago so not much difference to him, except now I'm naughtier, hotter and sexier. Luckily I toned up without losing my curves 😉.

To be continued.......

15.2.10 - Peter Wittendorp Surprised Me

Was going thru my very very private blog and realised that I had wrote 95 posts about him. 10 long years we had known each other.

...........................................................................................................................

I'm going thru my brain data bank right now to find more reasons why I enjoyed Peter so much and one memory I managed to dug out was the time we spent sms-ing each other about a year ago. I remembered I got home from work and forgot to off my phone, which I normally do every night. But it was also because of my forgetfulness that I got one of the best memories from Suave. I was having dinner and out of the blue I heard the message alert tone from my phone so I got up to check my message and it was from him, which was kinda surprised to receive because I didn't expect to hear from him. In his sms he asked me what was I doing?? I told him I was thinking about him. He asked me what about him?? I told him I was thinking about him. He was happy to hear that.

And I was really glad I did that because that sms-ing marathon lasted for 1 week and each night it lasted at least 4-5 hours. He was on the road for 1 week in Asia for business and he spent his night time sms-ing me to flirt and tease me. It was exciting, fun and tiring at the same time. Haha!! Yes, I was tired because my fingers were pressing the buttons non-stop on my phone. But I had so much fun that I actually didn't mind at all.

I remembered there was a night he had to hangout with his colleagues after dinner so he told me to wait up for him to get back to the hotel room so that he could SMS me. I told him ok and I believed he got back around midnight (KL time) and he text me to see if I was still up. I told him yes and we spent about 2 hours chatting thru smses!! Earlier in the evening, we spent another 2 hours doing the same thing. So why didn't we just called each other instead as it would cost us the same amount of money?? It wasn't about the money. It was just purely more fun to text our thoughts and desires to each other than verbalized it!!! Hehe!

He was in Shanghai then Hong Kong then Bangkok and finally KL. He surprised me when he replied my sms asking me to show him the new lace thong I received from Victoria Secret I told him about in the afternoon. When I read his message a warning alert went off inside me, suspecting that he could be in KL, but I pushed it aside as I didn't think it was possible since he didn't tell me anything the night before that he was making his way to KL. No hint or whatsoever. So I just brushed it aside and didn't want to get my hope high.

I replied back to him how the heck to show him when he wasn't in the same place as me?? Then he replied back, "I hope you like surprise." When I read that, my suspicion was 90% confirmed but I still wanted to be sure so I told him yes I like surprises and what he had in mind. I sent another SMS to ask him, "Are you in town.??"  At the same time his sms came in and confirmed my suspicion. Imagined my excitement when I knew for sure he was in town. I asked him why he didn't tell me the night before. He said he wasn't sure of his plan as there was a possibility he had to fly back to Singapore directly so he didn't want to disappoint me. Anyway, he said what was important now was that he was in town and I got a pleasant surprised :-)!!! So sweet of him!!! He asked me to meet me  in Mandarin Oriental where he was staying. I changed and went to see him.

We had about 3 hours of fun time together. Lots of crazy things happened. I didn't stay the night because his big boss from US was also travelling with him. But it was ok with me because I had a great time even though it was only 3 hours. Hehe!!

Now you guys know why me and Peter lasted so long, even after we called off our arrangement 2x in the last 4 years. We have a unique bond that is kinda hard to break and I have a feeling he will be featured in my life for much longer time frame. Whether we would still be lover or not I'm not sure. What I'm sure is that he will be my good friend!!! That's what is important to me!!  Friendship will be forever if one knows how to cherish a friend. And Peter is a person I like to have in my life forever if it is possible!! We have liked each other since the 1st time we met at a business meeting. That was in 2006. He could still remember what I wore on the 1st time we met! Unbelievable!

I hope our friendship will last forever!

From Baby till Present

I look cute when I was a baby and a child right? Haha. The other photo was taken when I was 18 years old and the last photo was present, 40 years old. Not too shabby right? 😂😂

He will says I leave too many footprints on the internet if he sees all these photos. But you know what, is fine. I don't give a rat shit. If I be honest, it is really fun to write and post anything I want. Love it!! Haha Hope my readers won't get bored with all these photos. Thanks for following and reading my blog.